Today my boy, my Henry Jacob, turns eight. Eight! He ties his own shoes and solves complex math problems and can recite entire passages of "Diary of a Wimpy Kid." I...yeah. Words fail me.
But I can't sit around today singing "Sunrise, Sunset" and sniffling into Minty Bear (technically, Minty Bear II). I've got a cake to bake, an apartment to clean (my family's coming over, and you know my mom's going to notice the tumbleweed of cat hair floating across the kitchen) and, most importantly (for Henry) a staggeringly large Lego box to wrap. (This last part will probably take me an hour and cause me to somehow waste an entire roll of wrapping paper, because even though I'm technically an adult, I seem to be missing the adult life-skills I thought I'd have perfected by now, like "wrapping" and "folding laundry.")
(On the other hand, I finally figured out how to snap my fingers! Life list!)
Anyhoo, why don't you take a moment to read Henry's birth story? I mean, if not today, when? It has Dan Rather, and mooing. I couldn't have created a better story out of my imagination. Which is true of quite a lot of things in my life, not least of which is my son.
Happy birthday, Henry. I love you so much it's stupid.
Happy Birthday, Henry!
Posted by: Em | October 07, 2010 at 09:11 AM
Happy birthday Henry! Enjoy the cake and Legos!
Posted by: Michele | October 07, 2010 at 09:14 AM
We do too.
Posted by: Jon | October 07, 2010 at 09:15 AM
Wow....eight!It seems like you just posted his seventh....where does the time go??
Happy, Happy Birthday, Henry!!
Posted by: Beth G | October 07, 2010 at 09:18 AM
Happy Birthday to Henry and congratulations to YOU for these last 8 years. I have an 8 year old too! Yesterday she instructed me on how to give her a "Warm Welcome." http://livewithflair.blogspot.com/2010/10/try-this-at-home.html
Posted by: LivewithFlair | October 07, 2010 at 09:23 AM
Happy birthday Henry!!
I re-read the awesome birth story. I laughed, I cried, I totally snorted on the bus!
Have a great day!
Posted by: souphead | October 07, 2010 at 09:27 AM
Happy Birthday Henry! We hope we get to see you again soon, so save your dollars. Love, Sarah & Nick
Posted by: Sarah Brown | October 07, 2010 at 09:28 AM
P.S. Nick says, "We're a little broke at the moment, could you draw us up some five hundred dollar bills?"
Posted by: Sarah Brown | October 07, 2010 at 09:29 AM
Cake and Lego? Man, I wish I were eight.
Happy Birthday, young man!
Posted by: Keith | October 07, 2010 at 09:38 AM
Happy birthday, Henry! Also, how did you learn to snap your fingers? Because that's on my life list, too, and I have no idea where to begin with that one. I was afraid it was a genetic thing like rolling your tongue or good hair.
Posted by: Catherine | October 07, 2010 at 09:40 AM
Happy Birthday Henry!!
I didn't realize Henry and my oldest share a birthday (my guy is 4 today). I has the sadz a little bit, but I love the kid he is and can't wait to see how he turns out.
Posted by: Amanda | October 07, 2010 at 09:48 AM
Goodness, you don't look old enough to have an eight year old!
Happy birthday to all of you!
Posted by: Marinka | October 07, 2010 at 09:50 AM
I can wrap but it's not always pretty. For laundry folding, though? I'm your gal!
Happy Birthday Henry, I think you're going to like what's under all that wrapping.
Posted by: Kizz | October 07, 2010 at 09:59 AM
Don't you know? For the big presents, you don't wrap them, you HIDE them! Then you send them on a scavenger hunt to find them!
Posted by: Sarah | October 07, 2010 at 09:59 AM
Hard to imagine I've been reading your blog for as long as I have... I remember Henry's 5th birthday!! Happy birthday, Henry, and quit growing up so fast!
Posted by: Katy | October 07, 2010 at 10:01 AM
Happy birthday Henry! Your birth story is hands down my FAVORITE EVER. I have forced many a person to read it.
Posted by: beck | October 07, 2010 at 10:03 AM
And he's handsome and a genius. Happy birthday, Henry!
Posted by: cjm | October 07, 2010 at 10:07 AM
Happy Birthday Henry!!
Posted by: liz | October 07, 2010 at 10:09 AM
Happy Birthday Henry!
And thanks for the birth story - I needed a good laugh today...
The best part of my daughter's birth story came about 3 years after the fact, when my husband said that he had the worse end of the deal because he had to try to sleep in the awful reclining chair. I, at least, had a bed. He wasn't even kidding.
Posted by: a | October 07, 2010 at 10:17 AM
Happy birthday, Henry! EIGHT! Gracious.
Your birth story is fantastic. I wish I could have made sounds as ladylike and refined as mooing during my daughter's birth.
Posted by: Lawyerish | October 07, 2010 at 10:18 AM
Happy birtday to Henry! What a fantastic boy. That's also the best birth story I've ever read... funny and true.
Posted by: MImi O | October 07, 2010 at 10:28 AM
I too have an 8 year old who loves math but is not quite yes as erudite as Henry is. I love your Henry stories, have been following you for a while.
BUON COMPLEANNO ENRICO (HAPPY BIRTHDAY HENRY in Italian)
Posted by: Anna | October 07, 2010 at 10:30 AM
Happy, happy birthday to Henry!
Posted by: Angella | October 07, 2010 at 10:33 AM
Happy birthday, Henry!
Posted by: hi kooky | October 07, 2010 at 10:34 AM
I'd read it before but MY GOD, woman, that birth story is a timeless classic...and all the more terrifying now that I'm pregnant and mooing is imminent. Happy birthday to Henry. May he deem his cake worthy of consumption!
Posted by: Sarah | October 07, 2010 at 10:48 AM
On a lark, (because detours make me cranky) I detoured to your birth story. I have not laughed like that for ages. Oh boy! Ooohhheeee was that good! My tummy feels like I did crunches! Get in shape the laughing way... a new side venture?
Posted by: Nicole | October 07, 2010 at 11:15 AM
LOVED your birth story. Totally just made my day! My coworkers probably think I'm a freak now for laughing like a hyena at work, but it was exactly what I needed. So happy you have your sweet son and a fantastic story to tell because of him!
Posted by: Rachel | October 07, 2010 at 11:31 AM
thank you 1. for making me laugh and 2. for putting the final nail in my "never birthing a baby" coffin.
finally an upside to being gay. 2 women = 2 baby cookers. now, must keep wife from reading any birth stories...even hilarious ones like this.
Posted by: melissa | October 07, 2010 at 11:58 AM
Hi. Until today I thought I was jaded from having read a gajillion birth stories and then having my own child. I thought that no birth story could ever affect me because I had been infected enough times to become immune. I was wrong. I am now laughing and crying at the same time from having read your birth story. So thanks, I guess. You owe me mascara though. And a very happy birthday to Henry (and you).
Posted by: Kim | October 07, 2010 at 01:15 PM
Happy eight years as a mom!!
Posted by: Miss Britt | October 07, 2010 at 01:37 PM
Happy Birthday Henry!
Posted by: Cindy | October 07, 2010 at 01:46 PM
Happy birthday, Henry!
Posted by: Clarabella | October 07, 2010 at 02:28 PM
Happy birthday, Henry! You just get cuter and cuter!
Posted by: Deirdre | October 07, 2010 at 03:13 PM
Oh, man. I laughed and laughed and laughed, and now I'm bawling. Thanks a lot.
And happy birthday, Henry!
Posted by: Erika | October 07, 2010 at 03:34 PM
Wow, I feel old. I remember when Henry was three! And we've never met in real life, so now I feel like an old stalker. Would it be creepy if I said I remembered his bumble bee costume? Would it help if I mentioned that I live on the other side of the country? Ok, I'll just stop now.
Happy birthday, Henry!
Posted by: Nora | October 07, 2010 at 03:36 PM
Hands down, best birth story ever...
Posted by: suburbancorrespondent | October 07, 2010 at 04:41 PM
Could we have a baby Henry photo?
Posted by: Susan | October 07, 2010 at 04:46 PM
Happy Birthday to Henry!
I had not read the birth story before...what a fabulous and funny story. I have not laughed like that in a long time. Thank you.
Happy 8th anniversary of becoming a mom...and Happy anniversary to Scott as well~
Posted by: Sheila | October 07, 2010 at 04:55 PM
I remember the mooing being one of my favourite parts. I couldn't tell you any details of other ladies' birth stories I've read, but I know yours has mooing.
Happy birthday Henry!
Posted by: Sarah | October 07, 2010 at 05:20 PM
Happy birthday, Henry!
You're lucky to have him, and he's lucky to have you.
x
Posted by: Flora | October 07, 2010 at 05:26 PM
Have a wonderful birthday, Henry.
(And the Minty Bear story always makes me bawl.)
Posted by: M | October 07, 2010 at 07:52 PM
I know I have read your birth story, perhaps last year on Henry's birthday. In fact, I think I've read it multiple times. This prior knowledge did not stop me from laughing so hard I spit wine all over my laptop. Your description of labor and delivery is so perfect...I think I'll go back and read it one more time. It's everything I couldn't verbalize about the birth of my daughter, aside from Dan Rather and the subway ride/crab-walk/car service....But the mooing! The mooing was the same! Totally.
Posted by: Meegan | October 07, 2010 at 09:38 PM
I love your birth story, with the mooing and the meaty sauces. I've read it before, but it still made me laugh so hard I had tears in my eyes.
Happy birthday to Henry.
Posted by: Heather | October 08, 2010 at 12:47 AM
My little guy turns 8 in a few weeks, and also lives for the Legos. Enjoy the celebration. Hope Dan Rather can make it...
Posted by: Wombat Central | October 08, 2010 at 09:08 AM
Good lord, someone else who mooed her way through labour! It's the only way, I swear. I called it channelling my inner cow. My own very moo-y, far less funny, and excessively long, birth story is here: http://lumpybadger.blogspot.com/2010/07/lumpy-has-landed.html
and there are two more parts, if you really have nothing better to do with your time. Like, um, chewing your toenails or attempting handstands.
And Happy Birthday dear Henry! Congrats on attaining the grand old age of eight. Hope you all have a marvellous day.
Posted by: Lumpy badger | October 08, 2010 at 09:53 AM
And eight years later it's still a damn good read. Thank you :)
Posted by: Susan | October 08, 2010 at 12:19 PM
Yay Henry! My son will be 8 in Dec. Also with the Lego obsession, but to be fair, I infected him with that Lego obsession.
Posted by: Matt | October 08, 2010 at 01:04 PM
Happy birthday Henry! Now, if you would kindly turn this over to your mom because I have something to say to her that is not for your tender ears... Ready? Is he gone? Okay, really - he looks SO much like you! did you teach him that cute look-to-the-side pose that you do? He's adorable... Okay Henry you can come back. You're adorable!
Posted by: Kirsten Kolding | October 08, 2010 at 03:08 PM
aw Happy Belated Birthday, Henry! Be sure to take good care of your mum cuz she's an awesome woman. Hope you had a marvelous day!
Posted by: amigurumigirl | October 08, 2010 at 05:58 PM
I've read it before and I'd read it again (and again ... ) - your's / Henry's continues to be one of my all time fave birth stories. Happy 8th Bday to Henry!
Posted by: TheLuckyGal | October 08, 2010 at 07:33 PM