Look, everyone, it's my hair. (Yawn.)

All right, all right.

Listen, I didn't really want to put up pictures because I'm pretty sure someone's going to get all mad about my stupid face. I don't take these comments seriously, as I am perfectly aware that I am a vision, but it does give me pause. My appearance seems to anger people so. You may recall--and if you don't I will remind you--that last year, when I was on the Today show, a thoughtful reader told me that all she could see was my "enormous ass and teeth."

Well!

But this is only my hair, so at least you will all be spared my ass. And of course the teeth. The misshapen, unfortunate teeth.

The first thing I learned, while trying to take pictures of my gray hairs, is that it's harder than it seems like it should be. The light in my bathroom's all buttery and lovely but it doesn't work when you're trying to show the horrible divide between the graying roots and the oxidizing awful of the rest of it. Here's my first try. Where are the gray hairs? They're right...right there! Oh, can't you see?!

A little closer, reluctantly. I wasn't really anticipating a close-up.

Okay, look over here, it's really gray--no? Crap. It really is. Damn it.

Fine, I'll lower my head. THERE. Now do you see?

Here's the back of the head (look, you people asked for these), where you can't see anything at all. Take my word for it, it's gray. Darker than the front, but definitely a steel-gray kind of thing.

The other side. Because my hair is longer on top than the sides, the gray's way more apparent around the ears. Which I like to think makes it look like I have a coppery toupee squatting on my head.

Now I'm looking up even more. I'm so whimsical!

In my zeal to expose the white-ness of my roots, this happened.

This is the kind of hair I have: I can yank my hair upward, and it stays. This is an advantage for silly pictures and/or to amuse my son when he's crying, and a disadvantage every morning, in that I wake up with the craziest bedhead ever and if I forget and answer the door, I terrify the meter reader. Jealous?

Now I'm just making faces. But look, in this mirror, you can see the gray hair a little more clearly.

I am the epitome of loveliness.

Finally, just to piss people off: my butt. Sweet fancy Moses, how did anyone let me on television?!

No! No, not the teeth! OH GOD CLOSE THE MOUTH CLOSE IT

Comments

[Luisa]

You are so cute. Love the smile in the last pic! Gray hair rules. I was just admiring David Axelrod's wife's (random, I know) gray hair on CBS the other day. Rock it!

[Sarah]

You're going to be looking very much like my Mum did when she was younger. And that is very much a compliment :-)

Also? Nice butt.

[Mir]

First of all, you know I think you are perfectly lovely. Teeth, ass and all. (That's going to be my new come-on. "I love your ass. And your teeth.")

That said, I know that if it were me, the growing out would make me insane. I have a friend who decided to give up dying her hair and after a couple of inches she actually went to her stylist and had the remainder of her color stripped and... dyed gray. So that the two-tone thing was overwith. (Not saying you need this. Just saying it's an option if you're feeling the need to Do Something.)

You are going to look STUNNING with gray hair because your eyes are fantastic (certainly your best feature, right after your ass and your teeth...) and the steel will totally set them off. Plus you have the face of an 18-year-old and I really think you are totally going to rock this new look. ;)

[Donna]

You shouldn't have posted these pictures. No, there's nothing wrong with your teeth n' ass. But really - you've been telling us how awful your hair is going to look, and here you have the nerve to go and look downright cute. Not cool at all.

[Cindy]

I can't believe any one would ever say anything so mean!

I saw a woman once with beautiful gray hair. It almost looked like she had died it silver it was so perfect. If only we could all just go gray like that.

Your hair is lovely as always. Stop fretting.

[Barnmaven]

Since I cut my hair very short (pretty close to yours, maybe a little shorter) I've been wrestling with whether to let the gray come in or keep it at bay. It does show a lot more at this length, especially in my dark brown hair.

What to do, what to do...color? Or not.

[Lou]

First off, Alice, you are adorable. I remember the TODAY show 'incident' and although they had clearly bouffed your hair (not your style), you did not look BIG. So, everyone that thought so - BITE. You are looking rather toned and hotty, though, and your working out is paying off. Lovely. I am truly not coming on to you, btw ... LOL.

As for the hair, it is fine ... I was expecting 'worse' from your previous posts. Gotta say, I really loved your hair in your older little pic on momversation (the short bob).

XOXO

[Shelley]

Holy shit - you are gorgeous!!! Who's the loon who commented on your ass and teeth? She clearly wasn't talking about you.

[Antonia]

Ian and I are waiting impatiently to go totally white-haired. Truly. We look at other people and agree the only ones who look interesting and stylish are the elegantly or eccentrically dressed white-haired people in the crowds.

You have the pretty bone structure to do grey beautifully, you lucky and lovely creature.

[Shelley]

ALSO! You are a little bit... Julie Andrews! Still very gorgeous.

[Miss Britt]

So what we've learned here is that you should rent out your bathroom for photos.

I have some free time in November - is that good for you?

[Gina B.]

I'm not a commenter usually, but I have to say this: I think you're lovely.

[Bertha]

You are basically my favorite non-birthed-from-my-loins person on earth.

[Life of a Doctor's Wife]

Yep, you ARE a vision!! You will look lovely no matter the color of your hair!

[Lora]

I'm always amazed at what people will tell you in comments. Someone thinks you have a huge ass? Wow - I wish my ass was huge like yours!

[Nora]

You are downright callipygian and have an adorable smile. And I'm on the internet, so you know I'm right.

[Kristin]

Man, you're funny! I've said this before but I love your haircut. It suits you very very well. You should do a post about your haircuts through the years...

[lizz]

Actually, I kind of hate you right now. I would trade bodies with you in a heartbeat!

[Meredith]

ANCHE, DENTI
that's what an italian man once said to me after he told me that he loved my eyes. its means "also, teeth." sorry to gloat about my excellent teeth (which you've seen, and leave something to be desired) but it has become a catchphrase in my life. ANCHE DENTI right back atcha Alice!

[SK]

You have the face of a '40s film star (and are ready for your close up, Mr. DeMille)

[beyond]

i love this. especially your teeth. does this mean you're letting the grey grow out? i sure hope you do; i think women, especially younger women, with grey hair and a good cut (like you!) are totally fab!

[SarahV]

I think you are looking very Linda Evangelista...quite lovely but still able to poke fun at oneself? Even better!

[Lynne]

You are freaking hilarious!

[Kathy Bauer]

My solution to my greying hair has been...HIGHLIGHTS!!! Heavy highlights... which used to be called "frosted hair." Yes, there is a maintenance issue, but it made me feel younger not older. I wish I had YOUR butt!

[stacy c]

You are awesome. And hot. My Mom was going gray by 30 and never colored it, so that is my goal (I'm 33) Her beauty and self confidence is my model.

You are doing the Lord's work here.

[Deanna]

Hahahahahaha! You, m'lady, are AWESOME! :D

[Megan]

Call me crazy, but I like the gray/red combo. I'll probably like the 100% gray even more.

[Karen]

Can I please have the ass that lets me wear those shorts? Like, someday? I know I've only been doing pilates for 5 months, but my daughter is 2 and I still look 6 mos pregnant, ppl.

You look divine. And you know, henna could really ease the transition.

[Jaime]

Ohh! I love it! :)Errr....I will love it, I mean, when it's all that color. I think it will suit your coloring very well!

[winsome]

Wait a minute.... Damn it all, you look great.... And I was expecting to see a huge floppy butt! If someone makes fun of your butt, what would they say about mine!?! ...Oh well - I hope your hair comes out okay.

[winsome]

p.s. My favorite photo is the first Eraserhead shot. ... and your teeth are fine - Geez!

[Zombie (clearly.)]

I think you look a lot like Tea Leoni. And I like the gray. I started going gray enough to dye at 26. my mom was pure white by 50 and stopped dying her hair completely. she gets complimented *constantly*. I am waiting for the day, because fixing roots = the suck.

[Katie]

I think you are butt-lovely!

Thank you for the pictures, I have been wondering. Though perhaps you can get an old-timey death light to show them in less buttery goodness light. (I know...I'm so demanding.)

[AJ]

I love those middle three pictures. I would frame them and hang them in my living room. I just think they're... I dunno, cool? I'm not exactly descriptive,,,

Also, you are very pretty.

[victoria]

Every photo is fabulous.

[Lemon Gloria]

I don't know. Your teeth look fine to me, and I'm a teeth noticer. You have a beautiful nose - lovely profile!

I dyed my shortshort hair platinum for summer and now am letting that grow out, and it turns out my real color, which I haven't seen unhighlighted for years, has gotten quite dark. And I know there's grey in there, but hell if I'm looking for it.

[Caroline]

That person was jealous. You are cute as a button. And if that a$$ is too big for that person, they'd have a heart attack if they saw my posterior.

[Rebecca]

I happen to think you're beautiful. I've also always thought that perfect teeth lack character.

Also funny. You once made me guffaw tea all over my keyboard.

[Lori]

Such a cutie-pie, I loved this. I'm glad you don't listen to the aggrieved tush and teeth crowd. Shall immediately post my tush and teeth on my own (secret) blog...

[Zina]

You are brave. Your hair is pretty. Your derriere is positively petite. Your commenter from last year was nuts.

[ozma]

There's something very David Bowie going on here in this series. I know it's probably not encouraging to you to say that letting your hair be grey is a very David Bowie move but remember that David Bowie is cool. And rich!

[paige]

You are, in a word, adorable.

[Rachael]

I really like gray hair. I think it looks so pretty.

[Micaela]

My God! What's the secret to your upwardly pointing behind? Seriously, mine points southward as if I'd had a ball and chain attached to it all these years. If it's a specific lunge/butt exercise, please provide the details.

Could you go platinum blonde or would that feel unlike you? All my graying female friends have gone varying shades of blonde over the years. I like it as it is, but just a thought.

[Rebecca]

Alice, you're a fox. You're going to be even lovelier as a silver fox.

[Rachel HB]

Let's start this off with the fact that I'm 31. And that I have at least that much gray hair-- and the rest of it is dark, chestnut brown. So let me tell ya, it stands out.
I recently cut off all my hair to the length of Alice's, with the thought that I was going to let the gray grown in naturally and be done with the dyeing.
Uh, yeah, I got it done yesterday. I'm not ready!

[Ellen]

I did not notice a single gray hair, and I neglected to check out your butt. I just loved your smile. You didn't see my grays because I basically use the hairstyling equivalent of a magic marker to cover them. If you would have touched my hair, it would have crunched. Thanks for not feeling up my hair.

[Lawyerish]

You're lovely and tiny, which is almost unfair since you also got the talent and the wit.

[SassafrasMama]

I like to admire my grey hairs (actually, they seem silver) in the sunlight. On the way to work. A work where everyone is young and lush whilst I am wizzened and grey.

Also, I'd trade butts with you.

[Franca Bollo]

Oh, thanks. Your photos made me laugh ... with you not at you. I really thought you had somehow rigged your blow dryer to blast your hair upwards like that.

Oh, look at that ... I'm HTMLing!