Charlie and Me

I wrote an essay about our dog Charlie for a forthcoming anthology about dogs. I'm Not the Biggest Bitch in This Relationship!, edited by Wade Rouse, will be published in 2011, with a portion of the proceeds going to the Humane Society of the United States. All kinds of incredible writers are contributing, including Merrill Markoe, Rita Mae Brown, and Jen Lancaster. I'm honored to be included.

Charlie is one of my favorite topics to write about, as most of my friends have long grown tired of me jabbering about my dog's velvety ears and I have to get it out somehow. We adopted Charlie shortly after we got married, and when my mom saw us with him she rolled her eyes and said, "You two need to have a baby." The implication being that once we procreated, we'd calm down about the dog and stop, say, kissing him on the lips. Well, guess who was wrong about that? You were, Mom! YOU! So there! Now give your other grandson a kiss.

I needed a picture of me with Charlie for the book, so my pal Amber of The Amber Show graciously volunteered her photographic talents. The essay is about Charlie's insistence on sleeping in our bed, between me and Scott, under the covers. Amber took some boudoir pics. I wore my nightie!

You can't really tell that it's a nightie. But oh, it is. It's from Target. Mrowr.

Charlie hates getting his picture taken. I don't know who beat him with a camera, but someone clearly did, because the minute he sees one his ears go back and he tries to lick it. That's Charlie's tactic. If you upset him in any way, his defense is to wag his tail violently and lick you. He'll love you right into submission.

This is him pleading with me to make the clickety-click sounds stop. Oh boy, do we need a headboard. Someday, my friends. Someday.

Here I am, pointing. I'm saying, "That's a dog. That's Charlie!" I can identify my pets.

I'm holding him down. The moment I loosened my grip he'd scurry to the next room. But oh, we got him back! Dogs are not bright.

I was trying to look vaguely unhappy with him being in the bed with me, and yet swayed by his canine charms. It was a complicated series of emotions. My face was breaking under the strain.

I am absolutely covered in dog hair, here. The crazy heat wave we've endured has caused Charlie to shed like he's getting paid for it, plus he sheds when he's stressed out, so during this photo shoot, he unloaded approximately 30 pounds of dog hair on me. And Charlie only weighs 25 pounds, so this took some effort on his part. Fur was raining off of him, causing Amber to observe, "He's Pig-Penning!" Which I thought was adorable. And accurate.

Charlie is now 13 years old. His face used to be mostly black with a white stripe running down the center, but as you can see, he's faded somewhat. His eyes are cloudy, but he can hear a slice of cheese hit the ground from across the apartment. He's still spry, and leaps and cavorts the moment we head outside.

I'm sure, fellow dog-owners, that your dogs are fine, but Charlie is pretty much the greatest dog who ever lived.

Comments

[Alison C]

I have to disagree as my dog is the greatest dog that ever lived.

But other than that? Gorgeous photos!

[lisak]

Forget the dog--your hair and eyes are awesome. Beautiful pics.

[Kizz]

That's a pretty great dog you've got there. Probably the greatest dog on the planet given that my dog passed away in October.

I'm glad you let him sleep under the covers.

[LPC]

Not being a dog person, all I can think is, OOh, I like her hair color. Something for everyone.

[Anna B]

You look younger than I do. And I'm 25. Not fair!

[Kristen]

I totally love the character black dog faces get when they get older (wait, is that racist? because I have a white dog as well and I love her, too!). Our black dog is only 3, and she's already starting to look quite distinguished with her grey chin hairs. I would look far less distinguished, but she really pulls it off.

[Suzy]

Beautiful pictures all around. You look good too.

[Heather]

A lot of my friends made the same claim about me and my dog Murphy-- that as soon as I had a baby he'd take a back seat. So so very wrong. He may try to pretend that he's ignored and the baby stole his show, but it's just for pity treats.

[Mary Beth (Cats, Books, Life is Good)]

Oh, yeah! I know that feeling. I just got a dog in January and I'm constantly amazed at how much I love her!

[Daddy Scratches]

Firstly: Great pics and great entry; as a former military police K-9 handler, I can relate to loving one's dog. (Unfortunately for my kids, as a father, I can relate to never voluntarily adding to our family any living thing that isn't a fish.)

Secondly, I can't tell you how comforted I am to know that my wife and I aren't the only married couple that totally should have a headboard by this point in our lives, yet don't.

[norm]

Quite possibly the cutest photoshoot ever. And the dog is adorable, too.

Also, we totally got a headboard from a yard sale and leaned up against the wall behind the bed so it looks like we're adults. But it's not attached or anything.

[Debl]

Charlie really is the best dog ever. I haven't seen him in years but I still remember his adorable pre-poop breakdance moves.

[Leslie Turnbull]

Charlie's adorable; you are as lovely as you are funny, and headboards are highly overrated. They tend to make nocturnal noises one wouldn't want the children to overhear.

[Mary]

Yea. Charlie's cute and all, but Petey is the best dog in the world. I think I have a mug that confirms it. He sleeps under our covers too. And we don't have a headboard either (yet!). Gotta put it on the list.

[Kerry]

Ha, I have so many pictures of my dog and myself where it looks like I'm choking her around her neck because in all reality, I probably am. I call it "picture hugging." Girlfriend cannot just relax and every picture of her is a blurry mess otherwise.

[jo]

As I sit here at my kitchen table waiting for the vet to call and tell me what is wrong with my 14 year old Charlie beagle I tapped through my feed reader and the smile that came to my face when I saw this made my day.
Charlie beagle's are the best beagles.
I look forward to reading your story, and picking my puppy up soon from the vets. i already miss her.

[Debi (Truthful Mommy)]

I love it. Charlies is adorable!! What a great tribute to your "first" child! Happy Mothering!
Debi
http://motherhoodthetruth.blogspot.com/
P.S. Oh yes, love the "nightie" I have the same exact one form target. is it not the most comfortable thing in the world?

[Candice]

Fantastic photos! Looking forward to the book.

[JB]

Awwww, those pictures are so sweet! You both look great :) .

[Spring]

Could you pleeeeeease let me know how you keep your sheets and blankets clean with a shedding dog sleeping with you in the bed? My 70-pound weimaraner sleeps with me, and, well, the hair is everywhere. I bought a brown satiny coverlet to hopefully allow the hair to slide off and to camouflage the hair that doesn't. However, it's been washed so many times from the hair that doesn't that it's pilled up and now the hair doesn't slide off at all and it's all vicious cycley.

Long story short: you have a light-colored bedding. How? Am jealous.

[NISHANT]

ur dog very cute and u are very beautiful

[Jane]

I wan to steel yur dogz and lurves it.

[Emily]

I like the very first one the best! They are all so cute. And I had to laugh, because in the first couple of pics, I was thinking, "Hey! They don't have a headboard either! But they have style! WE don't NEED a headboard after all!" And then I get to your sentence about not having a headboard. Ha! Anyway, congrats on getting a Charlie essay into such a great-sounding anthology!

[Dana]

Wait. So you're saying that if I'm 39, it's imperative that I get a headboard? I'm still waiting for a bedroom dresser that wasn't bought from Ikea.
Also, I'm especially fond of the first photo.

[Susan]

Number four, where you're both making love to the camera. Woof!

[Midwest Potato]

Did the dog get "made up" for the shoot?

[LL]

I'd 86 that first shot, as it appears you're holding a dead dog. Not the look I thing you are going for.

But kudos to the photographer for capturing the cuteness, and not the get-me-the-hell-out-of-here-ness.

[Anne Prince]

Having had the pleasure of having Charlie stay with us one or two times, I can attest to awesomeness!! His "brother" Pinto also feels compelled to sleep under the sheets thisclosetome which is fine in the winter, but not so much fun in the summertime. And he also sheds when he is nrervous and hates camera's as well. I really do think they are long lost brothers from another mother.

[Ariel]

Ya, I love my dog too, so much that I ask him to kiss me after he's been eating cow shit.
I just blogged about that, actually.
Do you talk baby talk to your dog? Cause we do, even my tough manly husband. I think he's worse than I am!
Maybe there is something wrong with us?

[Andrea A]

I want a dog! Charlie looks endlessly sweet!

[LivewithFlair]

Gorgeous photos! I'm so glad I found your site! It's an inspiration!

[Chris Shaughness]

Adorable! Congratulations on the book! Old dogs are the very best. I wrote a story about my dog Donner, who is now gone (sobs), and it was published in a book called Pets Across America. What an honor and a lasting memorial. Oh, and thanks for adopting. Wish everyone would give a homeless animal a chance.

[Franca Bollo]

Actually, I love that first shot.

Since I have two cats and zero dogs I can agree, wholeheartedly, that Yes!, Charlie is the greatest dog in the world!

And, as a San Francisco dweller, my eye went straight to the framed photograph above your bed. Earthquakes + rigid object hanging over bed = I don't want to think about it.

[ladykay]

Speaking as someone with five cats, I'll let Charlie have greatest dog in the world. Seriously, these are great pics. I love, love, love #4.

[carolyn]

I know I should make some comment re: the dog, dog owning, etc. but really just wanted to say: pretty! You look so very lovely and serene. The blue eyes! Red hair! (Is that new?) Hope it's indicative of a happier you in the new home.

[suburbancorrespondent]

If Audrey Hepburn had a dog, those would be the pictures. I don't know why I'm thinking that, but I am.

[Wombat Central]

Aw. Love the snuggling shots! I understand the dog lubs. We still love up the dog even though we have two kids now. Still smooch her snoot. I want to have her cloned so I can keep her foreber. Sadly, my vet does not offer that service. She's 12 now and slowing down, but we try our best to match her pokey pace. :)

[Wombat Central]

P.S. We, too, are without a headboard. Let's start a club.

[jackie]

ok, seriously? you look so adorable. and i love the paint in your bedroom. what color/what brand? and oh, charlie is cute too.

[Embee]

Alice, I'm in LOVE with that 4th picture. Surely you MUST use that pic for the story. And yeah, Charlie I'm sure, is great and all but that's just because you haven't met our dog Anna. She's not only beautiful but I'm willing to bet 50 lbs. of dog fur, her ears are softer than Charlie's.

[DesiK]

I am yet another commenter who is completely ignoring the dog theme to say YOU ARE GORGEOUS!

[CoffeeJitters (Judy Haley)]

these are gorgeous pictures, and the dog is cute too

[Ashley, the Accidental Olympian]

Older dogs are probably my favorite things in the whole world.

[Marcy]

These pictures are beyond adorable. =)

[Hi, I'm Natalie.]

Um. I'm booking a haircut ap't as soon as I finish this comment. And I'm totally going to steal your hairstyle.

[Lisa]

Your eyes are stunning! I wish I could pet Charlie. :)

[Kate]

Somehow, the photos strike a "Mad Men" chord. It's like you're a much more likable Betty, but without the ugly headboard.

[Merie]

Adorable photos, and while Charlie certainly looks like a prince of a dog, I think my childhood dog Tippsy was actually the greatest (who else would play Monopoly with an eight-year-old all afternoon?).

[Cora D]

I love it! My spouse and I feel the same way about our dear ol' Bella. Who also hates having her picture taken...weird. But, perhaps it's the aversion to photography that makes them the best dogs ever.

[CS]

He is lovely. And so are you! What a sweet, sweet doggie, and what wonderful pictures!