Changes are afoot

Or are they "ahand"? Because I use my hand to make changes on the computer do you get it AHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAArup.

I am not referring to big changes, so don’t worry. Don't--stop that. Jesus, would you calm down? Yes, I’m talking to you, Jesus. You holy fret-machine. Seriously, take a chill pill. Did they not have those, back in ancient Jerusalem times? Take a chill root, then. A calming tincture.

I am considering making some changes to this site, but am hobbled by a few things: 1) I don’t know anything about web design, and 2) no, you don’t understand—I really don’t know anything about web design. Also 3) like, nothing. NOTHING.

So while I agonize over what changes to make and how and also who can I bribe and/or blackmail to help me, here’s one change that’s not too difficult even for me, and I am doing it right now, and it goes like this: I am abolishing my blogroll. Begone, blogroll! You are dead to me!

Let me splain to you why. The blogroll, in theory, is a living thing, subject to the whims and fancies of the author. In depressing reality, it becomes a definitive statement of WHO I LIKE, and if I happen to remove a blog or two, simply because I’d like the blogroll to not get overly encumbered and there are some newcomers I’d like to spotlight, the people I remove almost invariably SHED BITTER, HATEFUL TEARS and then SEND ME DEPRESSING EMAILS asking what they could have done to offend me. And then I have to tell them that while they are blameless, I just haven’t been keeping up with their blogs and it seemed disingenuous to keep them on a list. Which, in effect, sounds like I’m saying, “You know, I WOULD read your blog, I really would! Only you’ve just become so boring and only I have time for fun reads! You know?” (Which is not what I meant to say. Oh, I’m going to make someone else cry, now.)

Instead, I’m going to remove the blogroll, and then I can write entire posts about the entertaining new blog or person or video or WHATEVER I’ve found on the Internet, and I can share it with you. This way I have, you know, something to write about, and the subject of the blog post can be either delighted or indifferent, but at least I’m not hurting anyone. At least I don’t have to say, “By the way? No longer read this other person, as I have been told she smells like feet lately. Thank you.” No one need suffer.

Speaking of entertaining blogs, I discovered Hyperbole and a Half this week, and proceeded to read her entire site and laugh myself sick. How did I miss her before? It never fails to astound me, how I could have never heard of someone who has an enormous and loyal following. The Internet is truly a wondrous and baffling universe of fun and horrors. Hyperbole and a Half is the former. The Awkward Situation Survival Guide should be a requirement for anyone who claims to be familiar with the glory of the Internet. Read! Love! Daisies!

Comments

[JennyM]

I'm so glad you're spreading the Hyperbole and a Half love -- I'm always guaranteed to have to put my head down and practice deep breathing, lest I attract to much attention at the office with the howls of laughter.

[Bonnie B.]

Oh Alice, c'mere and let me kiss you. Wait, where are you going?

I just went to Hyperbole and a Half and am laughing my ass off and disturbing the cat to no end. Thank you for the recommendation, I haven't found a new blog I love this much since.....YOURS!! (Oh yeah, now you wanna kiss me, don't you?)

[Leandra]

I'm thinking of doing away with my Blogroll for the very same reason.

Hyperbole and a Half is the funniest thing on the internet. Spaghatta Nadle nearly made me wet myself and the story of Allie and her pet fish is just brilliance. Pure brilliance.

[Kerry]

Score - I'm always looking for a new funny blog. Many thanks Alice!

[joaaanna]

Love, love, LOVE Hyperbole and a Half - she is a riot!

[Katie Ann]

Heehee, I just went and read through her entire archives a couple weeks ago. I, too, have no idea how I'd missed her in the big ol' internet. So awesome!

[SuzRocks]

I'm a committment phobe- and have never been able to commit myself to a blogroll- for all of the reasons that you just pointed out. Much easier just to stay away from all that nonsense.

[Pauline]

I like my blog roll but yes, it is pretty long and I do worry about editing it sometimes.
Hyperbole sounds good, I will have to check it out.

P.S. I'm checking out your blog today because someone recommended visiting your site! :)

[Holly]

This is why I can't have wimpy friends, no time to clean up their tears. I have other things to do, like, ummm, clean?

[Fairly Odd Mother]

I'm so glad blogrolls are going out of style. I was always too lazy to start one (all that linking!), so I feel like I can now be on the cutting edge of all those people without one.

[Susie]

that is some (seriously hyperbolic) funny shit. blogrolls suck. who needs em.

[Ris]

Hyperbole and a Half makes me do awkward snort-laughs at work. Loves.

[Jennette at Make My Blog Pretty]

I will delurk to say you can definitely bribe or blackmail me to help with your site, though I'd prefer bribery. I'm not sure what you could blackmail me with since I've never made a sex tape or participated in an underground dog fighting ring.

[Jerseygirl]

I've been meaning to at least update my blogroll for a while now, but your radical idea makes me think I need a bolder statement. And thank you for the introduction to another great blog!

[patrice]

Hey I just found Hyperbole and a Half last week too! HiLARious!

[abi]

I love Hyperbole and a Half SO MUCH. She writes what my inner monologue sounds like, when I let it run unchecked and scratch up the furniture and pee on the carpet and GUYS, WHO LET THE INNER MONOLOGUE OUT OF ITS CRATE AGAIN?

Also, blogroll drama notwithstanding, yours has served me well by introducing me to Julia's site, Here Be Hippogriffs, which I also love. So thanks for that!

[winsome]

You want to know something funny... I typically visit your site to catch up with your writing (of course), but also to use your blog roll as a launch for other sites that are fun to read - an effortless favorites list if you will. I've enjoyed your taste in writers! I guess I'll have to do the extra work and keep track of blogs I enjoy on my own.

[winsome]

p.s. Am I not way nastier than any of your other readers?.. Holy cripe I didn't realize my borg-queen avatar was going to show up when I posted a comment!

[DiaryofWhy]

I also discovered Hyperbole and a Half within the last couple months and instantly added it to my blogroll (which I shall continue to keep, because I am not important enough to offend anyone. Hooray for freedom in obscurity!)

[Meg]

I kinda feel the same way about blogrolls... though I do like to have my favorites handy, with links, so I can pop on over. But the list I made 2 years ago when I started has evolved.

I found Hyperbole and a Half just last week - love her! I had the same thought - how have I not known about this one all this time?

[esb]

I ditched my blogroll a few months ago, and MAN was it a relief.

[Beth]

I LOVE Hyperbole and a Half. Sneaky Hate Spiral is my favorite, and my husband and I both say "I'm a bird! I'm a bird! I'm a bird!" to each other all the time now. We hate birds.

[Kathy at Wellness Roadtrip]

I'm with you on the blogroll...I don't have one either. I'd find someone, forget to visit and then realize they stopped blogging two years ago then I look silly for having them...like I only have losers on my blog roll!

Thanks for the new fodder...because I have so much time to go to even more blogs! I was thinking of paying my 16 year to surf the best blogs this summer...now you have the free service! Thanks!

[Jessica]

You're awesome.

[sarah]

I used your blogroll as my rss feed. :(

[Erin]

Hyperbole and a Half is a gift! Thanks for sharing the link.

[Aimee]

What a FABulous idea. I may eliminate my blogroll too. Cuz I'm a total copycat.

[Liz]

Sure, well, there goes all my traffic! I suppose I'll check your links . . .

[lizneust]

Oh bummer. I get why you did it, but I used your blog as my leaping off point as well. Ah well, now I need to fend for myself. First stop - Hyperbole and a Half!

[Fable]

That's so funny, I totally just discovered Hyperbole and a Half yesterday and did the same!!

[Jen]

Holy cow. I just injured myself reading Hyperbole and a Half. Between you and her, I'm going to need bladder surgery!

[Zina]

I think Hyperbole is pretty new, if that makes you feel any better. Or anyway, *I* only recently discovered it. And then my life became worth living. I think her fish story is the finest thing the internet has produced to this point. (Prior to that, the best thing the internet had ever produced was this:

http://www.thesneeze.com/mt-archives/cat_how_to_draw_a_face.php )

[Zina]

Woops, here's a clickable version of that link.

[Wendy]

I'm going to be completely slutty and tell you about MY blog, aka mah pwecious widdle wambie pie that I think you should add to your imaginary blogroll:

http://redheadmama.com

[Alexandra]

Love that you're going to do this, I can't get enough of my funny blogs.

I hope you find someone to help you with your blog redesign...it'll be just how you want it, I can tell.

Off to hyperbole's, and THANKS!

[Laura]

I put my blogroll on a different page so that it didn't make my columns wonky and uneven. My Favorites is so long, I didn't want to add to it. I'm a hoarder of sites. I should be on that tv program "Hoarders" and get some help.

[LizPres]

I know, I visit your site 100 times a day just to use your blogroll to go to other sites. Now I'm expected to make them my favorites?! Well ... I do see why you made the change though. Very gentle of you ...

[Kristin]

Do you hate me? Why did you tell me about Hyperbole and a Half? I've just lost my entire morning and am likely to end up unemployed and drooling in front of my laptop indefinitely. Thanks a lot.

[Amigurumigirl]

hahaha you make being dumped sound so fun!

[Lorraine]

CLEAN ALL THE THINGS is my new mantra (for the next 10 minutes anyhow). Hilarious. Thanks for sharing.

[Angela]

I'm going to check our Hyperbole and a Half...I need lots of laughs in my life right now. Thanks for sharing and making me happy with your awesome blog!!

[amanda]

i understand and agree completely with the why... but i am still EVER so glad you did have a blogroll, because it lead me long ago to alexa at flotsamblog.com

that was a mercy and a delight and i am forever grateful!

[tsena]

I am clearly the only member of your cohorte who does not find the whole Hyperbolic business as half as amusing as your writing is.

This observation is neither here nor there of course and it certainly hits its hyperbolic target.

You want us to collecively wean ourselves from your personal favourites. You want us to absolve you from any stylistic guidance. You are abandoning us! Half this, Miss Finslippy! I'll blame you from here to internetabandonment.

Can you sense the love?

[erica]

Oh my god. Alice, my mother just called me on the phone from downstairs to ask why I'm screaming with laughter. Hyperbole is amazing, thank you.

[Kate]

In re: Hyperbole and a Half, you read the post with the pie vs. cake graph, right? If I had a better quality printer, I would print that post and frame it, then redo my entire kitchen just to find the perfect place for it.

[meredith]

Thanks for the pointer...Hyperbole is hilarious, I didn't know about her.

[Reid]

This takes the pressure off on many levels. I don't have to aspire to be on your nonexistent blogroll ... and I don't have to have one either! I suppose I could angle to be one of your featured faves. Will it be like the blog version of going on "Oprah"? Will there be tears of joy and whoops of triumph? Is Hyperbole and a 1/2 signing a book deal as I type?

[Miss Grace]

Instead of a blogroll I post my google reader shared items as a tab on my blog. So it's reflective of what I am actually reading. And I think it works okay.

No one has shed tears for it, that's for damned sure.

[Margaret]

Thanks for sharing the Hyperbole blog...she's TOO FUNNY!

[Joe]

I've used your blog as a jumping-off point too, so I guess I am going to have to do some bookmarking. However, I do understand your reasons (and even if I didn't, who cares? They're your reasons) and also Hyperbole was so worth it that, well, it's all good.