While I'm hiding under this pile of blankets...

My April column in Redbook is online. Why not read it?

When I was in second grade, my gym teacher told me I was uncoordinated. I was lying on the ground when she said this. All activity in the room had stopped, and the other kids were staring, and I didn't know what uncoordinated meant, but it sounded ominous, like I could die at any moment.

"What's 'uncoordinated'?" I asked her.

"Uncoordinated," she replied, "means that you cannot move your body parts correctly."

Well, she should know, I thought, while my classmates stared at me and my nonworking parts. After all, she's a trained professional.