Things you wouldn't think you'd have to tell someone, but you do, more than once.

"Open your eyes while you’re running, pal."

"Oh god, never touch anything in a room that smells this bad."

"I really don't enjoy it when you wipe your nose on my face."

"Please don’t eat things you find on your butt."

Add yours below.

Comments

[DD]

Those are also things you would think no one has ever said EXCEPT you.

Spooky.

[capello]

You forgot, "I'm sending you to the thinking chair if you lick my leg One. More. Time."

[Jessica]

How about - "I am not your personal hankie." Feels like I say this every day.

[Meg]

It's good for me to know these things.

[Dave Thomas]

"Don't eat that marble. Again."

[Insensitive Capricorn]

How about:

"Stop making out with the dog, PLEASE."

[Woman with kids]

I frequently use, "Please look forward when you walk." and "Do Not Lick Me." (sneaky licks, fake a person out for a kiss, and then lick them.)

[divinemissk]

"pick up you socks."

"for the love of god just pick up your f**king socks!"

:)

[JustAnotherMom]

"Honey, please don't kiss the dog's butt/tail/hindend. Only kiss him on the face, ok."

Nevermind that my dog eats his own poop.

[DD]

"Did you wipe?"

"Yes, you can pee off the porch."

Wait a minute...are we talking about our kids or husbands?

[Mandy]

"Please don't bite me." (or pull my hair, or claw my face...okay, he's only 20 months old, but you'd think empathy would have kicked in by now.)

Oh, and ditto on the "Don't kiss the dog's butt" comment. Unfortunately, he can usually only get to the dog's butt because the dog has turned to run off when he sees baby approaching.

[foodmomiac]

"You don't hold poop in your HAND!!"
"Can you not sit on my head?"
"Stop sitting on your brother, please."

[Tasty]

Just because you're late, doesn't mean I'm ready. (To boss at work for meeting.)

[Annie]

When I worked in child care I found myself saying both
"Do not torment your sister"
and
"Please don't lift your brother up by his head"

[Leigha]

"Do you mind not biting my toe?"

"DON'T GRAB THE POOP OUT OF YOUR DIAPER!"

"Don't put your finger in the kitty's pucker(our word for their butt)."

[Tasty]

Um, sorry, that didn't really go. :-)

[Kim]

"It would be more helpful if you turn the light ON when you enter a room, not OFF."
"Running out the front door naked might feel good to YOU, but not so much for the neighbors."
"That's a grown-up word. You don't have to share it with your teachers."
"Pee-pee goes in the POTTY not on the FLOOR."

[Jocibug]

Stop licking the ice off the floor. Put it on a plate! We lick ice off plates here!

Don't pick Mommy's nose, please.

Don't put the binky in the toilet and then in your mouth!!

[rhoda]

the poop wants to go into the potty.

[Dave Thomas]

Dear Leigha,

Pucker (yeesh) is NOT a valid euphemism for butt. In fact, all euphemisms are full of crap: they only make the grody thing sound even grodier.

My mother used to diagnose diarrhea by calling it a "loose pooey." Which made me forget about my cramping bowels just long enough to puke on my shirt.

[3 to get ready]

And a combination of some of the above: Stop licking the dog!

[Jessie]

"Don't put your shorts on your head while being "underwear boy" and then run around. If you do, you won't be able to see and there is a good chance that you'll hit the wall (again) and we'll have to go back to the hospital for stitches (again)."

[Susan]

"DON'T TOUCH MY iBOOK."

What? I have my priorities . . .

[carabeth]

"No, we don't eat poop."

[J]

"Did you wash your hands- let me smell?" Overheard on train: "All you kids go to the back of the car and no one licks the seats!"
"Don't eat the batteries"

[laura]

This tastes like ASS.

[Debbie]

"If your kid thinks Six times Five is Thirty-Five and A Thesaurus is a Dinosaur, don't you think it might be time to reconsider this whole Homeschool idea?"

[lynn]

"Don't drink things you find in the street!"

Honest.

[Vida]

From my friend, while I was talking to her on the phone:

"Don't wash your hands in the toilet."

Um, she was talking to her toddler, not me.

[Lee]

"No, I don't want to smell your fingers after they've been in there...thanks though!"

[karly]

"I saw you playing the piano on 'whose line is it anyway' last night!"

just had to let you know...one for your list:

"These are really funny looking sinks to wash your hands in mommy!" sidenote: my daughter & I somehow went into the men's RR at a sporting event & this is what I found her doing...yes, washing in the urinal!

[Fly Daddy]

Sweet Jesus, people! I am going to have to innoculate my kids just to keep up with the super-immune equipped ones you are raising. Josh! Go lick that diaper pail!
I just grossed myself out.

[Stephanie]

"PLEASE, don't lick your nose anymore. You're getting a rash."

[Mir]

"When I told you to stop biting your fingernails, it was IMPLIED that I ALSO did not want you biting your TOENAILS."

"It smells like something crawled into your mouth and DIED." (Sure, I used to say "Go brush your teeth" like everyone else, but it got boring.)

"If you fart on me again I'm going to sell you into slavery and I AM NOT KIDDING THIS TIME."

[Liz]

"Get off your brother. Get off your brother. GET OFF YOUR BROTHER!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
and, the title of my blog,....
"Not in your ear." (it's so versatile!)

[KarinGal]

"I know you don't want to, honey, but it's ok: Everyone who eats has to poop."

Times a zillion.

[ChristyD]

"Please stop inviting your baby brother into the bathroom after you've pooped. I'm tired of finding him with his hands in the potty."

[VenturaMom]

Get the potty seat off your head.

[SpartanFan]

"Get your finger out of your nose" (to my 3 y.o. daugher)
"We don't stand on our head at the dinner table" (to both the 3 and 6 y.o.)
"Stop grooming ______ (insert cute cheerleader's name here)" to my 9th grade male students.
"Put your name on your paper, put your name on your paper, for the love of gawd, put your name on your paper."

[Ranta]

"Don't taste puddles of stuff!!!" (to an 8YEAR OLD!) and "Stop slipping me the tongue!" (same kid)

[abogada]

These are great! Our favorite is: "Please get your hands out of the kitty's butt."

[Velma]

Just 2 hours ago, this one happened: I was tickling my son and blowing raspberries on his tummy, when he made a request.

I have only said this once, and I hope to never have to say it again:

"No, I won't 'magic' your penis."

[Cheeriobutt]

" quit digging in your butt"
"If you're going to treat me like a maid then I'll have to charge you! Maids get paid ya know!"
"what stinks?"
"stop screaming!"
" sitting on my face, and bouncing up and down, hurts, honey!"

[christie]

Gawd, I got nothing on Velma....

"stop chewing on the cat!!!"
"No, you cannot eat kitty cookies" (cat food)
"DO NOT PINCH MOMMY'S BOOBS!!!!"

[jenB]

'magic' you penis is my new favourite line.

this week it was "rabbit poop may LOOK like chocolate, but it isn't".

[VenturaMom]

Please don't hug/pet mommies boobies in public.

[Sharon]

Please don't put your boogies (i.e. boogers) in my tea.

[Kristen]

Please do not give your brother the toilet brush. It's dirty.

Please stop licking the boogers off your top lip. Just go get a tissue and blow your nose.

Mommy doesn't want the food that you just put in your mouth and chewed on...

That is not your chew toy, that is for the puppy.

Please do not wear Daddy's dirty underwear on your head.

Yes, those are Mommy's boobs. Please quit showing them to the world.

[foodmomiac]

I just remembered another one:

"No, honey, you don't grow hair on your butt when you grow up."

[DLG in Mich]

My husband, to our 4 and 5-year old boys standing at the toilet together, urinating:

"Be careful, don't pee on each other."
"I said, 'Don't pee on each other.'"
"Stop peeing on each other!"