Don’t read this.

Yesterday was one of the worst days Henry and I have ever had together. Truly, I have never seen him like that before. I’ve never seen me like that. We clashed on every topic (Are Dried Cranberries An Acceptable Dinner? Could He Watch TV For Just Another Minute? Why Couldn’t He Head Butt Me Repeatedly In the Groin While I Am Talking To the Mortgage Broker?) and each time Henry’s demands escalated into full-blown weepy hysteria; we went to our separate corners to enjoy our respective time-outs; we came back to each other to hug and declare our undying love; then it all started again. At one point I found myself yelling and clenching my fists and hopping up and down. Hopping. And I slammed doors. Twice. I am an excellent role model.

I could point to Henry and say IT’S HIS FAULT and say WHO STOLE MY CHILD AND REPLACED HIM WITH THIS MONSTROSITY? But the thing is, I know what’s going on. He’s reacting to me. I am distracted and frazzled and depressed and it’s making him anxious as hell.

We sold our place for more money than we thought we could, which is great. We’re thrilled. But our large margin of profit is not quite what we thought it was. Not quite enough for the house we want. Take the large amount and remove the $20,000 of closing fees and moving expenses, the huge tax bill we’ll have for 2005, the money we’ll need to put down for a car, the small amount of savings we’ll need in case any expenses come up with the house, and you have a much smaller number. Factor in the added expenses of owning a house—the insurance, the car, the heating bills, the inevitable repairs, the hefty real estate tax bill—and the number shrinks even further.

We could take more of a risk and put more down if, say, one of us had reliable employment. Without going into detail about my husband’s job, we don’t, not really. Not reliable in the benefits-and-vacation-time, check-every-two-weeks, severance-pay-guaranteed sense. It’s a great job for his industry, which is not known for its steadiness. We’ve been lucky for a while, but there’s always the spectre of the work drying up. If the work isn’t there, he doesn’t get money. So we have to be careful. We’ve been careful for years, we know the drill. But now we’re looking for a house, and being careful doesn’t jibe with finding a good and safe place for our family, and it feels like the air is being sucked out of the room.

We decided on this neighborhood in New Jersey; it’s close to the city, the trains are right there, the prices for the small homes with small lots (the kind we want, as we are city folk) are not unreasonable. We have friends nearby. But now it seems that if we want to be in the parts of town that have good schools, we have to extend ourselves past our comfort level. Last week we bid on a great house; we were right at the brink of what we could afford, and the taxes were astronomical, and we were stressed out and fighting about the expense. But the school there is wonderful, and I read the description of the school and I thought of Henry being at that school, and I wanted him to live there. I walked around that house and I thought, We will be happy here. We could just barely afford it, but we could afford it, so we bid. And then one other bidder came in at way over the asking price and swooped it up. This isn’t the first time this has happened; such is the market these days. Even if the numbers indicate we can afford it, we can’t really afford it.

We’ve looked at the less-fancy parts of town, that have relatively decent schools, at least we think, and taxes that aren’t so high. But every house we’ve seen in that area has low ceilings and dark musty kitchens and shag rugs and the neighbor’s windows so close you could pass cups of sugar back and forth, and I know this isn’t what we want. We’re not asking for a lot, but we’re asking for a little more than this.

So maybe I feel entitled. Maybe I’m a stuck-up bitch and I should get over myself and living in the cramped smelly house that after all we could fix up. That is probably a valid opinion.

But this is all symptomatic of the larger problem here. We don’t have enough money. We’re not making enough. Every optional expense has been cut out, and yet there’s still not enough. And it’s hurting us. It’s a constant source of tension; there’s no escaping it. Everywhere we look there’s a sign that we need more money. The dog is overdue for a vet appointment. We don’t have the money. Here’s the list of good preschools in Jersey. We don’t have the money. Let’s get food delivered because I’m exhausted and Henry didn’t let me even get near the kitchen all day, he’s been so clingy. We don’t have the money. Well, okay, maybe pizza. But let’s not go crazy with the toppings.

(We want another baby. We don’t have the money.)

Please don’t tell me I should write a book to make money. Or rather: tell me to write a book, and thank you for having faith in my abilities, really, but understand that such an undertaking takes years, years of nonpaid work, and also no one should write a book for the money. It just doesn’t work that way.

Do you want to know what I am wearing now, O Internet? (Especially those members of the Internet who send me hate mail because of my fabulous bloggy existence?) I am wearing jeans that have enormous holes in the crotch and across one knee. They are dirty, as I wear them every day. They are one of two pairs of jeans that I own; the others were pre-pregnancy and are now laughingly small on me. (Size 4! BLAHHAHAHAHA.) In addition to my crappy pilly too-small and too-old Gap sweater, I am also wearing ugly black leather shoes that I bought when I was pregnant, and thus are now one size too big. I trip in them every day. On most days I wear the too-big shoes and the ripped-up jeans. I could probably buy myself new jeans and new shoes, but the idea fills me with guilt. How can I buy something like clothing when we might not be able to pay for Henry’s preschool?

I know how whiny I sound here, I do. I know many many people have lives infinitely more difficult than this one. I know how lucky I am. Please don’t yell at me because I’m whining about my shoes. It’s just—I feel like I’m decaying, a little. I feel unattractive and like I don’t have the right to feel attractive. I feel like god there has to be more money somewhere, except there’s no time to get the money and no money (for childcare, that is) to get more money. I feel like my creative life is dying because all I do is worry and crunch numbers and do the little writing jobs that might bring in enough to pay the cable bill. (Yes, we still have cable. The indulgence! I know!) I feel like there has to be an answer somewhere and where’s the answer and aren’t I smart enough haven’t I been good don’t I have the education and the intelligence and resources to figure this out why can’t I figure this out?

I know, I know. I’m feeling sorry for myself. I should snap out of it, right? You can tell me.

(p.s. If anyone knows anything about the school system in the above-mentioned town—it’s linked to, right up there—please, please email me.)

Comments

[Meg]

If people are here reading you, taking in your words, sharing in your life, and appreciating that experience, and they DARE SAY A SINGLE WORD TO CRITICIZE YOU OR MAKE YOU FEEL BADLY, then they should stop reading, because they don't deserve to be a part of your world.

I'm so sorry that it's so difficult right now. My parents walked that line for years and still managed to give me everything I needed and more -- much more -- love than most children ever get.

This is what you have in abundance. Henry knows it. Whatever else happens.

I know that sounds hippy-dippy and rather lame, but at 31, it's what I remember. Not a single other thing. They might remember how hard it was to stretch, but I just know they loved me and we had a hell of a good time.

[Torrey]

Our dear Finslippy,
I know this time will pass for you and all the millions of things that are up in the air will start to fall into place one by one and allow you some relief.
Good luck, friend. All will be well soon. We all have your back. If need be you guys can just have a caravan around the nation crashing at Finslippy readers houses. You can stay with us until we are kicked out on May 31!

PS. A new cute pair of jeans makes the whole world look better--not to mention ones ass.

[stephanie]

I just clicked on your ad a couple of times. Do you qualify to add Google AdSense as well? Can you get any advice from Heather about advertising, since she seems to be getting some good income from ads?

I'm sorry things are so hard. Hang in there.

[Steph]

When you said,
" How can I buy something like clothing when we might not be able to pay for Henry’s preschool?"
I thought,
"welcome to motherhood. wear your badge proudly"
I am truely sorry for the stress in your life. However, I have to say, in the midst of your anguish, you are showing a true mother's heart and I applaud you for that. Thank you!

[Amy/grrlTravels]

Money is always an issue, a serious one, for most people. It doesn't make you whiney to think about it. Housing, neighborhoods, school systems, siblings, jobs, benefits, god, the mind just boggles, doesn't it? No wonder you feel as if you are decaying. And moving is stressful no matter what. Give yourself a break right now and believe that happier days will come. Happier days with takeout pizza that has as many toppings as you so desire.

[~k]

Don't buy. Rent. You'll be able to afford to live in a much nicer neighborhood that you could afford to buy a house in...

[wix]

one of my best friends and her husband just moved to south orange, into the only house on that block that hadn't been refurbished/remodeled in 20+ years, so they had a lot of work to do going in (but bought it for a good price). they like it a lot, they'd lived in manhattan and then brooklyn for years (they're theater folks), but wanted to get out of the city to start their family. is it possible to find another nearby town with maybe a not-quite-so-cutthroat market? i know nothing about real estate up there, except that it's a different game entirely than real estate in texas.

[Sarcomical]

good lord, why did we all have to grow up and start PAYING for things? it's just not as fun as before.

hope you feel a bit better soon. ;)

[BeBe]

I am so sorry you are feeling badly- it's going to be okay, really, it is. Just try to relax and sleep, breathe, and try to enjoy the company of the ones you love, with as much sense of humor as you can muster. You have a lot of work to do right now, but you will come out the other end of this nonsense and be just fine!

[Laziza]

Poor you, Alice. I mean that seriously. You sound just about at the end of your rope and, yes, while other people have lives infinitely harder (blah blah blah), that does not invalidate your own reaction to your own stress in your own life.

Whew. That needed to be said.

The one question I have is whether you are able to accommodate any more ads on your site. Because, if so: HAVE AT IT. What about swag of the Lulu, Cafe Press or Zazzle sort? I have to tell you, I would put Finslippy in the equivalent of speed dial on my Paypal account if you would sell any of that stuff!

[wookie]

Perhaps a band of gypsies will buy Henry and you will have killed 2 birds with 1 stone?

[Lisa V]

Jesus, are you living in my head ? We never have enough money, I am completely serious. Our entire married life we have had maybe 4 months that I felt secure and normal, because I am always convinced that everyone else has money- so it must be normal. Those 4 months at 4 seperate times usually involved someone dying and leaving us money or a big tax refund. But see the money is usually gone in a week and a half because we pay off previous bills and go buy the jeans, sweaters, dental appointments, etc. that we have been meaning to for months.

This is where we differ, we every year or two spend a month or so on the island of denail (lovely place but the rates are nuts) and buy a couch or a computer or music camp for one of the kids, so we are always in debt and it takes forever to pay off.

I always think the fact that we don't have enough money because I am a shitty money manager therefore a shitty person. But maybe it's because it takes an incredible amount of money for six people to live. (or even three).

Oh and yes we have cable too. and Netflix. and a 40 year old pool that came with my house. So hang me internet. I know there are people in tons worse situations. And I am a whiner and a shitty person.

(Hey Alice, go ahead send me a bill, that's best therapy session I have had in 6 weeks).

Does Jersey have open enrollment ? Or can you petition for Henry to get in the good school even if you live out of area ?

[Laziza]

Sorry for the compound comments, but I had another thought. I'm not particularly short of money, but I do tend to feel guilty for shopping. So I've sold some stuff on Ebay and turned around and used that Paypal money to buy myself other, more desirable (ahem) clothes on Ebay. Anyway, works for me, and it feels like free money.

[S]

Just wanted to say how sorry I am that you're so stressed out. I'm sure this is probably a famous quote, but a friend told me so I always attribute it to her. It goes something like: "Suffering is like a gas -- it expands to fill whatever it is contained within." In other words, it doesn't matter that some people have it worse (or easier) than you. Your suffering is still valid. For example, I have a 6 month old daughter, and haven't gotten more than 2 hours of sleep in a row for, well, 6 months! And I feel pretty damn sorry for myself, despite the fact that I have a lovely home, enough money in the bank to comfortably be a stay-at-home-mom, me, my husband and my daughter are extraordinarily healthy, etc., etc. But I still cry when my daughter wakes up for the day. And I cry again when she refuses to nap. And I cry again when she won't fall asleep at night unless she's lying next to me latched onto the breast. You get the gist.

So throw yourself a pity party, wallow around in it for a while, and eventually you'll find a way to get where you want to go. Sending happy vibes your way, and I hope an acceptable solution presents itself soon ...

[moxiemomma]

you're right, it's ridiculous to tell someone to write books for the money. i write books and guess what? there. is. no. money.

as i sit here sifting through bills we can barely pay and lament the fact of our new and spiffy HSA that will cost us a minimum of $12,300 annually just to have health insurance i'm feeling you. but at least we *have* health insurance, right?

and i have some hole-y tshirts that will go oh so swimmingly with your hole-y jeans. my biggest clothing indulgence of late has been yoga pants from a major cheap chain and now that i think about it my mother paid for them.

woe is us of little fundage.

[robb]

I doubt it would be any kind of consolation, but we're in the same boat. We don't even own our apartment, the rent is out of control, we live in the not-good part of the neighborhood school-wise, we're going broke paying for preschool and have been living month to month more or less for pretty much the whole time we've had our daughter with us (2.5 years!), grad school debt, credit cards, yadda yadda.

Have you thought about getting the money from the sale in some kind of tax shelter and renting in NJ for a while? Maybe that's not even possible. It has been a possiblity that has crossed my mind more than a few times when we review the monthly statement that reports how we have to pay something like 14x as much just to live where we live than to get by in my tiny home town.

All best for you and S and Henry. I hope things look up.

[sweetney]

alice! alice! christ i love you and...and... what can i do?

(i'm a must-do-something kind of gal. can't sit here hearing of alice in pain without action.)

okay, emailing NOW.

[JustLinda]

You bring back memories... I have been fortunate to move out of those financially strained times, but I was there for many years. When times were particularly rough, I would go through the house looking for what I could possibly sell or pawn. I took in a friend as a boarder to help with expenses (and he subsequently lost his job and could not make rent). I borrowed from Mom more times than I care to remember (always thankful that I had Mom to borrow from).

It's hard to see light at the end of that particular tunnel. I hope you find your way out as I somehow did (please don't ask me how, it just sort of happened and I'm still amazed about it all).

Money problems SUCK EGGS. Seriously.

[Amanda]

Don't feel bad, Alice. Why do you think my husband and I are moving to the boondocks ourselves??? Same. exact. reason. I'm sick of the money not being enough, EVEN THOUGH IT FUCKING SHOULD BE.

Living on the coasts just sucks, there's no way around it. Some of us just can't live anywhere else.

[Bill]

We were/are in the same boat. We bought a duplex and rent half. We've got less living space than we really need, but we get the schools, neighborhood, quality of life, etc...And we can dream about the day we kick the tenants out.

[M&Co.]

If you want to move to Saint Joseph, Missouri they have lots of cheap, Victorians that need lots of work. But did I say they are cheap? Yeah, I know, I don't live there either, but they have lots of cheap victorians that are HUGE that need work.

Sorry things are tight right now. Go buy yourself a new pair of jeans. No offense but I don't want to see your undies.

[Denise]

Life in the great northeast...my husband got a job offer in NY and as we turned over the housing possibilities I remember feeling breathless and anxious, too. You just have to pay too much for too little. This is stating the obvious, but it sounds like your choices are keep walking that line, or make some big compromise that will result in your losing something important but make you feel more secure about finances. Good luck to you, and I hope ou feel better.

[harriet]

Oh, I feel for you. I know the sadness that is having two pairs of pants, and feeling like a whiner but still. Two pairs of pants, and one pair of shoes! And all the rest of it!

[Stacy]

Since I quit my job last August to go back to school full time, we've been in much the same boat. It sucks. Completely and totally sucks. I just bought myself a pair of jeans and I'm so excited I can't stand it -- I got them for a penny on eBay.

Gah -- I used to be so cool & rock'n'roll...

[Lassa]

I second the t-shirt motion. Didn't Mrs. Kennedy say that her fussy shirts have paid for her little boy's school tuition for the last couple of months?
Everyone would buy a finslippy t-shirt, I know they would! And I'd buy ten because I love you that much :)

[Jennifer]

Ah, the no money thing. We have that too. Ok, we can order pizza tonight, but we'll put our own toppings on. No cable tv, but we have Netflix, so sue us. Or wait - *I* could sue us because guess what, I'm a lawyer! But, still...no money. And no big fancy house and no big fancy schools for our kids. I don't know why the hell we have no money except that kids and grocery stores and (not even very nice) cars are expensive. I did splurge on a new pair of jeans recently. Old Navy, Alice! Hang in there. It will work out.

[nate]

Oh, Alice;
I have no practical advice, and I know nothing about NJ, except for the far Western part where my brother lives (Alphaville, Phillipsburg, etc). And that's practically in Penna.

But I do want you to know that I totally empathize (except that I'm the one w/ the FT job, which actually is reasonably stable, and my husband is the writer/stay at home parent.) And I feel frumpy, and out of shape, and would love to get my hair highlighted, not to mention get a new rug for the living room, not mention get a bigger house in a neighborhood which actually has some other kids living in it. And the house needs to be painted (inside & out), and I need shoes plus work clothes, and Clara needs a big-girl bed, and and and ad nauseum. And no money. And even if we had money, no time to deal w/ all of these things. So, w/o hijacking your blog totally, just know that you're not alone.

My SIL (a writer/editor/SAHM) and her husband, who's a software engineer of some sort, currently live in Brooklyn (and probably are your neighbors) and are looking at moving to Rsch Triangle (decent job prospects for him, affordable houses). I don't know why I just told you that, except that your life reminds me of theirs.

I hope it gets better for you. You'll find a place soon, and it will be wonderful.

[Rachel]

I don't post often (read:ever), but I was in a similar situation about 5 months ago, sold our apartment for good money, still didn't have enough to move up to more space or enough income for the bank to lend it to us...

In my case, my parents stepped in to lend us some money for a couple of years until we can either re-mortgage or have more income...they are not wealthy, but were so happy to help us now, when we needed it the most. I don't know your situation at all - but any chance your parents could help?

[OneHotVintage]

Hi!

I haven't commented on your site before, but, for what it's worth, I just wanted to say "hang in there"! I've felt many times like it. is. just. never. going. to. get. better. but then! Out of the blue something great happens and makes everything that much more bearable. And even if something great doesn't happen, it sounds like you have a wonderful family, and that in itself is pretty great.

All the best!
OHV

[Sara]

Oh, Alice. I never comment - except for Creepy Lurker De-Lurking Day - but I want to let you know that there are tons of people out here in the ether pulling for you. You're one of my favorite Internet People and I'm crossing my fingers that you get to that peaceful place ASAP.

[not-that-Andrea]

Welcome to the NFHMFC! For those who don't know, that's the No-Fun-Having-Mother-Fuckers-Club. Sounds like we're all pretty much in that club. Sometimes we stop going to the meetings for a while but it seems that we all end up back there at some point or other. Here's hoping you don't have to come to the meetings for too long.

P.S. - I still hoard saline solution because when I was in your shoes (big though they may be) I could never afford to buy it. Things are better now so I hoard to ward off the bad times.

[mar]

Gah. Isn't real estate in NJ ridiculous? And the property taxes are so out of control ... it seems like we are always compromising - ok, we'll drive old cars and have a small house and take no vacations and use coupons for cheap pizza on Tuesdays so we can have ... medicore overcrowded schools and pothole filled roads ... Have you considered renting for a year?

I love NJ, lived here forever, and despite the above, think it's the best of all worlds - close to NYC, close to the shore, close to the mountains, close to almost everything. However, all the "closeness" does come at a price ... probably the price of our sanity! Deep breaths, keep looking, and eventually it will all happen the way it is supposed.

(Ha - if you knew me, you know I need someone to tell me that in real life!)

Good luck!

[Sheryl]

I know how you feel. We're recovering from the 18 months Aaron was unemployed. He's now making less than his starting salary at his former job, and 3 kids aren't cheap. I'm thinking of going back to work. It's very hard scraping by, and I'm sorry it's putting undue stress on y'all.

[Lana]

I rarely comment, I think maybe only once I did. But I read every last post you write. This one tugged on my heart strings because I know what it is that you are going through, and I feel for you. I have no advice to give you, but just know that I am sending out good vibes, and Irish Luck, and hoping that they reach you! Take care, Alice!

[Nina]

Long time lurker here. First must say: I love your writing, love your site, and I feel so much of what you're talking about. If you had a book out I'd by gazillions of copies and put it on my credit card and not even care (this coming from another pearly sweater ripped jeans girl).

So my kid is a bit older that yours, and my husband and I have struggled through the financial crapola on and off for years -- also with freelance jobs that can pay well but are often inconsistant, and don't give us things like health insurance and vacations. If I didn't feel so much like I've been in your boat, I would never be so bold as to make suggestions, but here I am... Hopefully this is not assvise:

Sounds like you're doing this, but I'll say it anyway: spend to the top of what you can afford, even though it's stressful as hell. Ask for help from family if there's anyone who can give it to you (I had a cousin who lent me a very small amound of money, just enough so I felt like I had the smallest of pads, and it helped). As you know, once you buy, chances are your house will go up in value, and if you're in the school district you think is best for Henry, your stress level will go down immensely in about 2 years (that seems like forever, I know, but it'll go quick).

If you can bare to suck up being in a fixer upper, go for it. Buy the worst house in the best place instead of the other way around. You will make it better, you will make it into the place where you will all be happy.

Know that these next weeks, or months will be crazy stressful and busy, and be kind and gentle with yourself. Let dried cranberries be dinner, give yourself and Henry an oatmeal facial, take a bath and have a good cry. It will be hard. It will pass.

From the outside looking in, I have so much faith that you guys will make a great decision and that it while it will be stressful as hell, and you will make it work. Henry will alternate between clinging and being amazing, and both will be incredible.

I second those who say go for more ads. Put up a tip jar for jeans, too. I'd add to it.

I think a trip to see the crazy dancers is in order.

[Northern_Girl]

Sending good thoughts your way...and hoping for the best.

[nina]

That was so much longer that I meant for it to be. I hope I don't seem like a total stupid know it all rambler. So sorry if I do.

Sending you so many good wishes and thoughts.

[Bean]

Finslippy,

I live in a suburb of NY so I know the pain of which you speak. My DH stays home so it's just me earning a living and we are doing the same thing, eeeking by on my living. I know your pain and feel it. Please know that there are others that understand. I hope you can find a way to make it work.

[Mysh]

Alice, I constantly look around me and wonder where people get the money to own new cars, good clothes, nice houses, etc. Have they all bought money trees at some secret nursery? My car is old and semi-worn out, my clothes are clearance items from a particular "bullseye" store, my house is paid for but in dire need of repairs...oh, and my dogs both need to go to the vet but have to wait until I can afford it.

I feel your pain and I'm not even on the brink of major changes like your family is. If I find seeds for growing money trees, I will certainly let you know -- which of course does you no good right now. In the meantime, my bestest bestest wishes for the Finslippy household.

Believe everything works out for the BEST!

[Agent_Orange]

Oh, sweetie!

Usually, I just lurk and read your stuff. You are so funny and many of the experiences you've had and are now having, I've had or will probably have. No money coming in sucks, that is for sure. There's nothing that anybody can tell you that will make you feel better, although, for all the laughs you have given me, I sure wish I could. Getting your kid into a good school is tough at the best of times. Mine busses half an hour each way to an 'alternative' school. I suck it up because that's where I want him to go and we have given up quite a few things for this chance for him. Stuff he doesn't understand giving up. He's eight and still, even after I explain that we can't afford something because this *five bucks* needs to be used for gas, he just doesn't get it. It's only *five bucks* but it's become so meaningful in the context that *five bucks* is enough gas to get the car back and forth on its appointed rounds for *two days*. Anyway, I'm rambling but I just wanted to say that I feel for you... and I'll keep my fingers crossed for you! Good thoughts for you!

[Andie D.]

I know how you feel - we're in the same boat right now. Plus, my husbands company is going through a merger and we have no idea how the two pilot groups are going to integrate. He may be out of work within a year.

We've therefore decided to hang on to our current home in case we need to "cut and run", i.e. sell for profit, pay off debt, and start over.

Fun stuff to think about.

[erinire]

I <3 finslippy. sad that you're sad!!

[kelli]

Sounds like we're all in the same leaky, damp, uncomfortable damn boat and bailing with teaspoons. It really helped to read the comments about having been in the same situation and now more secure. I've suspected that for awhile - at some point, you become solvent for no apparent reason. Not that it will solve the current real estate situation in New Jersey, but I would for sure buy a finslippy t-shirt.

[anne nahm]

You have such good friends. When I bitch to my (older) friends or relations on this matter, they get all misty-eyed and talk about how I'll remember this as the "good old days". How many years in hell do you get for wanting to give your grandmother a swift kick in the ass?

[amy]

I know how you feel. Oh, how I know. We lived with it for a while. We even made some major changes (we moved!) so we could survive (we moved). Last fall I went back to work. It helped me in other ways other than our family financially, the time was right for me. Even with me working, things were tight. Not "can't pay this bill this month" tight, but still "not comfortable" tight. OH how I know about the job security, no benefits, etc. My husband did have a normal sort of job, but for a very small company that didn't have any sort of benefits. We paid out the wazoo for our family's health insurance, about $800/month. Even transfering health insurance through my job ($128/month! Hello what a difference!) after I started working was a huge help.
Things got better. He is starting a NEW job next week that pays him what he's worth. We'll finally be able to start some savings for ourselves and our kids. I hope a change comes for you and your family too. I just ache for you, I do. You just vent and purge as much as you like, chica!
Good thoughts going to you,
-amy

[jenB]

I just wanted to point out the "shameless" link on the top left corner of finslippy's (ok alice's) blog. lets at least buy her some jeans!

i too am sympathetic and think you are awesome and hope things gets better ASAP. also, perhaps don't sell Henry to the gypsies, but rent him out?

xoxoxo

[jenB]

ok, not a link as much as a heading for other things. but you can donate via amazon. :-)

[AML]

Love your blog, finslippy! So sorry things are so rough for you right now. It really seems nigh impossible these days to get the nice house/good school combo.
This will sound crazy but I did the math and it is actually considerably cheaper for us to stay in our not-so-expensive area with not-great schools...and send our 2 kids to private school (an AMAZING Montessori school)...than to move to a place with great public schools, really high mortgages and really high taxes, if you look at it over the long-term. Just a thought... Hang in there!!

p.s. Does clicking on the ads on your site give you money or more desirability to advertisers? Just say the word and I will click away!

[Teresa]

Don't ever feel like you're whining. I just closed one week ago on my first home purchase and still go back and forth on whether or not we can afford it. Plus, my 8 year old will have to change schools at the beginning of the next school year and has yet to allow me to live that down (you know it's ruining his life). Just take comfort in the fact that you are not allow and for each tear dropped due to stress, you will experience twice as many smiles over the future years.

[Coelecanth]

Not going to tell you to suck it up. Really, would it help?

What you're going through *is* hard, it's perfectly reasonable to express how hard it is. We are social creatures: shared pain is lessened and shared joy is increased.

Depressed people have a better grasp of the reality of their situation than happy people, studies have shown this. But they also have a diminished view of their own strength and resourcefulness. You are much stonger than you preceive yourself to be and one day you're going to look back and go "Wow, that sucked and how hard do I rock for getting through that?" "R.A.W.K., that's how hard!"

You will get through this, full stop.