I cannot believe I am doing this.

I am just so tired of being attacked and having my words taken out of context and twisted around.

You want to call me a bad mother? Have a field day. You want to call me unfunny? Knock yourself out. But you’re writing scenarios about my son being raped and molested, and then you’re calling me disturbed? It boggles the mind.

Fine. You know what? It’s down. I can’t stand the sight of those words on this page anymore. So a few little limp-dicked nobodies won their little fight. I hope you’re all quite happy.

Comments

[Michelle]

I think you are freaking hilarious AND a faboo mom, to boot. My husband and I thought your latest adventure with Henry was so funny. We also appreciated the glimpse of what we may be facing with our son sometime down the road. Hang in there Alice.

[JenAtHome]

De-lurking (I think?) to say that it breaks my heart to think that someone would post horrid things about your sweet little boy. I'm so sorry. I think your stories about him are hilarious, and the post in question made my laugh until I had tears in my eyes. I have two boys, so we've had similar experiences, and I love hearing how other moms react to those little "incidents." Please don't stop telling your tales because of the deranged comments of a few obscene jerks -- delete them and move on. And let us all know who they are if you can....

[sweetney]

some people a just plain crazy. pay them no mind. you are awesome, and clearly a great mom, end of discussion.

[Christine]

Psycho Kitty sent me over. I'm sorry I missed the post, because according to her, it was hilarious. I'm sorry a few people out there decided to hang you up over it! Hugs!

[emma Goldman]

You've GOT to be kidding me; WTF is wrong? Was it a post that was only up for the blink of an eye and I missed it? Or was it the last post, which was extremely funny? Or something else?

Please don't go, and please read the gazillion comments above. Some of us have been to the clue store recently and made a purchase.

[rothbeastie]

Please don't go. I'm a huge fan of your work. Please don't let one (or a few) simple-minded people with no sense of humor or reality stifle your writing. As a lurker who felt it necessary, no, vital to come out of hiding to say this, please, please please don't go. There are small people everywhere. Don't let them make you feel you have to stop.

[sac]

Fuck 'em. They hate themselves and their bodies. If only they didn't have to shit, then their lives would be perfect, no messy bodliy functions to flagellate over. Probably Christians.

Just disallow anonymous comments and don't post your email address. Unfortunately, this is what you must do as you grow more and popular. Just remember me when you're snorting coke off of other bloggers' stomachs backstage at the Bloggies.

[ChickenFlicken]

Hey, don't stop doing what you do. Don't censor yourself to please the assholes. We'd all be a little less happy each day if we couldn't check your blog obsessively to see if you'd come up with something new and tear-inducing.

By the way, sac, I'm a Christian. Not all Christians are wingnut fundamentalist clinic bombers, you know. Some of us appreciate good penis humor.

[sugarmama]

I am delurking as well, to tell you that I think your blog is hilarious and I enjoy reading it. I have learned from three years of blogging that there will always be trolls and rude people. The list of banned commenters on my blog keeps growing. I have developed a "zero tolerance policy" (http://sugarmama.org/policy.html) and anyone who leaves a surly comment is banned immediately. It's just not worth the hassle - you've probably heard the maxim, "You can't argue with an idiot."

[Kris]

De-lurking to say the post you took down was v v funny, read it to my husband even.

I'm trying to figure out (step)momhood to a 7 yo boy who, um, has discovered his penis, and am due with a boy of my own in May.

Reading this stuff lets me know what I'm in for later. Don't stop writing.

Block the IP addy's, lucky you can do that with typepad. You can turn of anon postings, but they don't go away, they just use fake e-mails. Just delete them and go on. Of course, I can say that, when I almost left my own blog, and my people weren't as nasty as yours.

Keep writing, keep being honest, keep being real.

[Demery]

Wanted to add my voice to the chorus of They Suck, You Rule. Because they do suck, and you do rule. Please keep writing in your hilarious, honest style.

[Blue]

WHAT the fuck happened? Don't you DARE take the blog down because of some extremely tight-arsed, narrow-minded dickwads in need of a good fuck!

IF THEY DON'T LIKE THE BLOG THEY CAN QUIT FUCKING READING IT.

Please just turn off annonymous replies.

And, for whomever wrote hatefully, a special fuzzy note from Blue: You can fucking EAT ME.

Now go away.

[christina Ramirez]

kids are funny....I use to work nights and I would tell a new life with Abby story every night co workers would ask me "so what has Abby been upto today". one guy thought I was making this shit up untill he was trapped in target when they locked all exits because my sweet boy disapeared.when this terafing moment turned to comedy as my three year od angle came tearing out of lingerie with a DD bra on his head screaming "boobies" my co worker came to me and appoligised for his doubt. what was worse is that I realized the bra was not new that my son had swipped it from an occupied dressing room. but the time that my son threw such a horable fit that a neighbor thought I was beating him and called the police. the police came realized that all was well.and whent away I lived in a small town twh nights later I brought a news papper clipping tok to prove my case,it said: albany police responded to reports that a child was screaming as if being beaten only to find a three year old had been sent to bet with out a popcicle. (thats one for the scrap book) when I showed this to one of my suppervisors (childless)_he looked at me as if I was the worst human on earth.anyway what im trying to say is I feal sorry for parents who have no sence of humor sombody should have warned them.
keep your chin up I love your blog it makes me feal as if im not alone in this reality thing! dont go!

[Sam]

Coming out of lurkdom just to say, You can't leave! I'm still wetting my pants over Ernie being a shithead and your futuristic Thanksgiving dinner. Keep on writing, you've got a gift. Please?

[Ms. Polkadot]

Little boys grab their penises all the time. It happens! It's a sad statement that people can't handle that, or rather can't handle mothers writing about REALITY and parenting with a sense of humor.
I can understand why you might delete it, because this is your child and they know that, and the threats carry more weight. But they're wrong. They're stupid. And they probably grabbed their penises when they were toddlers.

[Wendy]

Alice -- one more faithful reader coming out of Lurkdom to say I LOVE your blog! You rock, Alice. I wish I could describe my world as well as you describe yours. My daughters are only a few months younger than Henry, and I love and identify with your posts!

I must have missed the "offending" post, but I hope you'll stick around, anyway.

[WendyH]

I'll join all the de-lurkers as well.

I loved that post! I even sent the link to my husband - we are contemplating children next year, and I thought it was a good example of what we have to look forward to.

Please don't stop your blog - I've only just found you! I can't lose you so soon!

[max]

me too. you're awesome. ignore the douchebags.

[Tricia]

Oh please don't go - I've only just found you. I'm joining the de-lurking they suck you rule club..
Take a breath and get back to writing.

[k.]

chiming in to add my words of support to everyone here.

when my brothers were younger, a friend of my mom's insisted that she talk to them to let them know that doing their thing with their things was completely healthy and natural.

my now-16-year-old brother recently stopped a conversation in the car with the hearty exclamation: "hell, i've been bopping my bologna since i was in first grade!"

even my mom thinks it was hilarious. penises are funny!

[k.]

chiming in to add my words of support to everyone here.

when my brothers were younger, a friend of my mom's insisted that she talk to them to let them know that doing their thing with their things was completely healthy and natural.

my now-16-year-old brother recently stopped a conversation in the car with the hearty exclamation: "hell, i've been bopping my bologna since i was in first grade!"

even my mom thinks it was hilarious. penises are funny!

[k.]

oops. feel free to delete my extra post. and this one while you're at it.

[FP]

Immediate angry reaction: I hate that the Internet is full of stupid mother fuckers who simply Don't Get It.

A bit more calm now: You are one of the most clever people "out there". Please don't edit (or remove) yourself. We all totally love you!

[brianfromcanada]

I think you should publish those e-mails...let us see who wrote them...publish their email addresses...it sounds like there are a few peple here who want to reply...

[brianfromcanada]

I'm pretty sure you know where the "o" should go.

[honestyrain]

see what i get for not visiting for a few days...i missed the bruhaha. darn. sounds like you've been the victim of stupid. i say fuck stupid. who needs 'em. you're funny. more than that, you're smart funny. i like that.

[Bob]

I am so sorry to hear what happened. I can't imagine what vitriol you must have been exposed to to cause you to give this up. I can only hope for our sakes that you can find it in yourself to come back to us. I have always found your blog to be positive and life-affirming. It always lifts my spirits and, as with everyone else, the topics you blog about are either things that my kids did when growing up or things that had happened to other parents I know.

Please know that for every rude inconsiderate asshat there hundreds of us that care about you and support you.

[kirsten]

yet another delurker. i don't even like kids, but i love your stuff. you are frickin hilarious. please don't go.

[dawnkeyotie]

what they said!!!

it had to hurt, but shake it off. you, as a person, as a mother, as a writer, are not defined by anyone else. write, girl. write like the wind. and if you took a post down - put that shit back up RIGHT NOW! do not give them the power.

or rather, do whatever is best for you. but know that all 79 of us (so far) are huge fans and would miss your incredibly hilarious, real-er than real, blog.

[Gina]

Today my husband sent me an article about the "religious right's" objections to a Spongebob cartoon being shown in public schools. It promotes tolerance of the lifestyles of others, so of course certain people have twisted that into being a "gay" thing. And they don't want gay things!

My point is that if you wait for the day when there won't be sad, twisted jerks in this world who corrupt anything fun and innocent, you will be waiting until hell gets mighty frosty. So you may as well do your thing and be happy, and live for those people who love and appreciate you. Cause the jerks aren't going anywhere.

Also, like my grandmother used to say: Fuck 'em if they can't take a joke.

Gina

[traci]

Who *are* these people? I know that I've read things on people's blogs that I didn't agree with, and- now here's me thinking outside the box- but what I went ahead and did was, I didn't read their blogs anymore. I certainly didn't harass the hell out of them, the way some people seem to enjoy doing. If it makes you feel any better, my blog isn't even cool enough to get hate mail. I'm a terrible mother *all* *the* *time* and nobody seems to care. ***sigh***

[Broad]

Another delurker here, and although I'm sad that you felt you had to take it down (and don't agree with someone making you feel like you had to), you kinda have to do what's good for your sanity. But I don't think I'll ever forget it, nor it will it ever stop making me giggle like crazy when I think of it.

[kbow]

I'm de-lurking too to show my support. I really enjoy your blog. I don't understand why people who would write horrible things about your children is even looking at your site. Sick creeps.

My daughter was a little down that she didn't have a penis like her cousins. When I explained she has a vagina (special!) she was thrilled. She called it her "gyna". My sisters cat was named "China". When my nephew talked about the cat he called her "Gyna" confusing my daughter even more--apparently the whole pussy reference was lost on her at 3.

She was 7 before she found out that the name is Pocahontas, not Poke-her-hontas and has never trusted me since.

See what you inspire?! Keep writing!

[Annie in Austin]

I'm not a lurker since I've posted notes previously, but it has been TOO LONG since I wrote to thank you for your hilarously real and wonderful stories. Thank you!

[groovebunny]

Hello. Frequent new reader, rare commentor here. Really, it's quite obvious by the amount of readers you have coming through you are a very talented writer. Especially since you're writing about your own experience with your little guy, and the humor that embodies your stories, just makes your writing fabulous. If you need a break from writing for a while, that's understandable. But please don't let some narrow minded prick keep you from writing. You can always turn off the anon commenting, or even ban ip addresses from those abusing your comments. Best wishes.

[Jim]

Seems that all of your supporters have come out of the woodwork! Normally, I wouldn't chime in just to add a "Me, too!", but, in this case, I feel that it's needed. Just another lurker, throwing my support where needed...

ME, TOO!

[Jennifer]

WOAH. Don't let a bunch of whackos scare you off the internet. Seriously, as they say, opinions are like assholes, everyone has one.

Its people like you, who write about REAL life, and make me think and laugh, and realize that I've had whacky thoughts just like yours - except you can write them a hell of a lot funnier than I ever could.

I am always posting links to your articles on my message board for other moms to read. If you ever want a safe place to talk to other moms, freak free, for the most part LOL, e-mail me and I can hook you up to a private message board :)

[Bitter Betty]

Dammit! Somebody always has to be the asshole. You have lots of supporters and fans darlin. And for those who feel the need to be jerks? Joke em if they can't take a fuck.

[emily]

Delurking here... I'm totally confused as to what anyone could have found offensive. Honestly. I see what post was taken down, but how could ANYONE be disturbed or call YOU disturbed for something perfectly natural and innocent? Not to mention, totally hilarious! Please don't let the morons win...please put the post back. Every time I check your page for updates, I re-read that post so that I can laugh all over again!

[monica]

another de-lurker, jumping on the bandwagon--i would be so very sad if finslippy went away. you show me what i have to look forward to with my boy, and you make whatever i am drinking come out of my nose. hope you are feeling the love.

[Chasmyn]

I agree with everyone else - you have an excellent blog, you are a wonderful writer, you are hilarious. Don't let the few take away from the enjoyment of the many. I understand taking the post down, but I agree, if you have the ability to moderate your comments, maybe just moderate and delete when comments like those come up.

[debl]

Oh Alice, that is terrible. I heard some off the details from my sis. It's so hard to just ignore the bad people out there, especially once you've done the brave thing by reaching out to them with sanity and a level head. Please try to just chalk it up to a bunch of crazy assholes who think they have all the answers yet aren't old enough to understand the internet, let alone parenthood. Because god knows these guys were never two years old, and didn't touch their penises until they were 16 and trolling for porn via AOL like all good well-adjusted middle-american children. I'd love for these jerks to ask their parents honestly if anything funny and off-color ever happened when they were very young. I bet the answers would surprise them.

[mntgirl]

I didn't see the offending comments, but Welcome to Red America, where jesus will help you condemn everyone who does not agree with you. People are sick, but you don't stop taking the subway just because someone flashed you, right ? right ? Please don't stop posting.

[MustangSally]

Oh no... these guys *were* 2 yrs old and touched their penises. Then they got the crap beat out of them for having such "dirty" thoughts. And have now grown up to be fully repressed, fully sick warped minds who see Ann Geddes calendars as smut. Please don't let the assholes get you down!

[lissa]

I am Blogsmacked!!
Hell no we won't go!
um... A-TTI-CA!
Revolting! the new way to revolute.
um Don't go changing...to try to please me....

[maurinsky]

Allow me to join the chorus asking you to keep doing what you're doing. Anyone who was offended by that post would have to be the most filthy minded kind of pervert, just making the world uglier with their sick, twisted idea of morality. They are wrong, you are right, and I don't think you should offer them any sort of victory.

[Sarah]

Please don't go....
Sarah

[pd]

joining the de-lurking parade..

god, some people are such Assholes With Too Much Time On Their Hands.

my gf and i laughed outloud gleefully after i read your post to her.

keep writing funny. you do it so well!

[Noel]

De-lurking, as well.

Don't let them win.

[Aimee]

I'm giving up lurking, too. I agree, I agree, I agree - whoever it is isn't worth it. You are so funny, and such a bright shining beacon in the world of mom-dom (who knew I wasn't alone in thinking my kid is an asshole sometimes?) and I hope you continue this.