Have you been half-asleep? AND HAVE YOU HEARD VOICES?

People! People! Do you think I would leave you just like that? I was just expressing some doubts, is all. I wasn't really going to up and close down the store. But thank you for your words of encouragement, your emails, and your presents. Sorry I had to return the pony. He had a soft, damp nose, and I named him Mr. Sparkles. But the co-op board said I couldn't keep him.

In other news, work (real, paid work! Egads!) continues apace. I wish I could give you the details, but if I have learned anything from the lovely Dooce, it's that talking about work on the blog is verboten. Suffice it to say that it's a dream assignment, both entertaining and well-paying, and I couldn't be more pleased. I'm a bit hard to take lately, in fact. I keep kissing my reflection and interrupting conversations with loud outbursts of "I ROCK."

Now, about Henry. If a 21-month-old can be obsessive/compulsive, Henry fits the bill. He's down with OCD, as they say. Certain items, people, bits of media, etc. seem to inspire in him a combination of terror and reverence that is all-consuming. Today's obsessions are BLENDERS, VACUUMS, and THE RAINBOW CONNECTION. He wakes up and demands to see the BLENDER. He wants to look at the BLENDER. Let him touch said BLENDER. Then he will make THE BLENDER NOISE. The BLENDER goes EEEEEEGH. Turn it on! he demands. But do not do it, for if you do, there will be tears, and much clutching at the neck, and your shirt will get all damp.

After breakfast, he wants to retire to his parents' bedroom, where the VACUUM lives. VACUUM, he says, and points. VACUUM. The VACUUM goes EEEEEEGH. The VACUUM sounds suspiciously like the BLENDER. But do not touch the VACUUM! Or go near it! To do so would bring much shrieking and upset and subsequent incoherent babbling about the VACUUM, not to mention the BLENDER. Speaking of which. It's back to the kitchen for both of you, where you shall look at and discuss the BLENDER. EEEEEGH. Do you like that sound? EEEEEEGH.

Before his nap, he must hear RAINBOW. Short for the above-mentioned song, of course. SING IT. While singing it, he will become both entranced and agitated, sweetly mouthing the words and gazing up at you until you think you might never make it back to the office and then GRABBING YOUR LOWER LIP while you're singing and crying MORE! MORE! until you want to scream I'M ALREADY SINGING IT, I CAN'T BE MORE SINGING THAN I AM CURRENTLY SINGING. You will sing it again and again and again, all the while wondering what was UP with Kermit, with his strange conviction that there's a connection between rainbows and--and what? What are the lovers and the dreamers and he rooting around rainbows for? And what's with the voices calling his name? NEVER MIND THAT JUST KEEP SINGING.

EEEEEEEGH.

Comments

[ben]

Fantastic summation of kids OCD. Especially the "must see but don't you dare turn it on" aspect.

Compulsive music? My kids like beer drinking songs.

The request most often from the back of the van:

"Beer song. LOUD."

[sac]

100 Bottles of Beer on the Wall is a family favorite, as well. Nothing like a carfull of under 10s screaming about beer.

Our youngest, who is 13 months, has absolutely no fear of the vaccuum. He will crawl around the floor as one of us vaccuums the carpet right next to him. Our middle kid, at 21/2, fucking freaks OUT.

[Lee]

"..down with OCD, yeah you know me", Thanks for sticking THAT in my brain. So, "Daddy do it" isn't just for me then....good.

[kelly]

OCDear...that's some funny, funny...

[Mir]

I sense a toy blender and lots and lots of therapy in Henry's future....

[Heather]

And just what is the sweet sound that calls the young sailors? And why sailors? Why not plumbers? Or hairstylists? I guess Paul Williams and Kenny Ascher were just hurtin' for the rhyme!

I sang that song to my now 20 month old for my entire pregnancy and then coo'ed it to her the day she was born amidst tears and now when I sing it, she slaps my mouth and says "No!"

But if I sing the McDonald's "I'm Lovin' It........" (Ba-duh, ba ba ba)

[Melissa S]

My children went through a long vacuum phobic phase and my mother (I've decided I'm using your site to dish about my mother...great!) said once after babysitting for my children,

"Maybe if you actually used the vacuum sometimes they would be familiar with with it."

Pretend I just said that to you...how does it feel?

EEEEEEGH!

[Julia S]

Because Jesus was a sailor when he walked upon the water/ and he spent a long time watching from that lonely wooden tower/ and when he knew for certain only drowning men could see him...

What? MY toddler is the only Leonard Cohen freak around here?

And Slippy, darling, if you don't know how you could be more singing then you'll obviously never make it this town.

Now once more... with FEELING. I'll bet you're just phoning in that connection half the time.

[Julia S]

I made more sense before Melissa muscled her way in between Heather and me whilst I was checking my spelling.

So, to recap:

Why sailors?

Because Jesus was a....

[FrumDad]

It's sailors because it's mermaids.

I have heard the mermaids singing, each to each.

I do not think that they will sing to me.

I have seen them riding seaward on the waves
Combing the white hair of the waves blown back
When the wind blows the water white and black.

We have lingered in the chambers of the sea
By sea-girls wreathed with seaweed red and brown
Till human voices wake us, and we drown.

I can only hope that Rachel becomes a Leonard Cohen junkie. As long as it's not Barney and I don't have to kill anyone.

And maybe I'll start her on some of the poems I used to know by heart. How cool would it bee to see her grab my lip and shout MORE when I start with "I know that I shall meet my fate/somewhere in the skies above."

Of course, I don't actually remember any of those poems anymore, but I can make stuff up real good.

--FD

[jilbur]

see, one of the reasons we have a prize-winning child-CD collection (by which, I mean music that not only she likes but that also does not induce anaphylaxia in us either) is to make sure there's enough of a mix in our daughter's little synapses that I don't get trapped into singing some one song until the very mention of it makes me bleed from every orifice. *cue Teletubbies:* 'again, again again!'

However it doesn't always work.

[ben]

When I was a kid I was a big Captain and Tennille fan.

Some of us miraculously grow out of our parent's musical influences...

It's not easy being green!

[Heather]

Ahhhh....Leonard! And how groovy that my last name happens to be Cohen! No relation though. Thanks for clearing up the sailors part of the song - I might never had made that "connection" (ha!)

[Miel]

Are your sure you can't really sing it more than you are already singing it? Maybe Henry is a future director. Because mom, you know you could've given more. Henry's just helping you with your technique.

I so want to know about a job that is fun, that you like. It would make me less scared of the time when my job ends. Maybe you could just post an example of a job that is good so the rest of us can have some hope.

[AnneWhitney]

Congrats on an exciting, fun job - that sounds so exciting and so fun - I want one!

[Carla Hagen]

I have a 15 month old Henry with OCD-like compulsions. He is obsessed with picking up toys, and putting them away. It's very strange. He takes out toys and dumps out the pieces, only to pick up the pieces and put the toys away. He doesn't actually play with the toy!

[Liz]

Carla, can we have our children meet sometime? And maybe, I dunno, average each other out? My 11-month-old cannot stand for any toys to be put away! Ever! She pulls them out of their baskets and off their shelves, and does not play with them and tosses them over her shoulder. Literally over her shoulder onto the floor, where toys SHOULD be, apparently.

[c]

A little kid who is fascinated by blenders? Vacuums? Hey--I had one of those. He is 18 now. It wasn't OCD, it was a one-track mind with a very scientific bent. His HS AP physics teacher told us he didn't have anything to teach him, because he knew it already, but that he was a great asset to the class. Also, if he had been our only child we would have saved a fortune on toys. (He only wanted to play with real tools and kitchen equipment.)

If Henry is really one of those, here are some future gifts that my boy loved and played with nonstop when he was 3-5: boxes of envelopes, a stapler, a real electric drill with a thick bit and boards to make holes in, a good play kitchen set, his own basement workbench made of 2X4s. Oh, and I'm not posting my email, mainly because of this one all-time favorite gift: wooden kitchen matches. The boy loved lighting matches, so every night for about a year I'd sit with him on the back steps next to a cement block and let him burn dozends of them. (He never burnt them on his own, but I bet he would have if I didn't let him get it out of his system.)

Count your lucky stars. My little blender-psycho was a lot of work over the years, but he has grown into an amazing guy. Just follow Henry's lead.

[c]

Dozens.

[domin8trix]

my son likes "i can't forget" by leonard cohen. 6 year old minds think its hilarious that somebody can't forget but they can't remember what.
p.s. finslippy. you really DO rock!

[frog]

Initially, I thought C had given her kid kitchen machetes.

Somehow, the matches don't sound like such a bad thing, upon reflection.

[Daisyhead]

I'm glad you're not going anywhere. I just found you!!

[sprizee]

"Why are there so many songs about rainbows..." Huh?

Did I miss something because as far as I can recall, only 2 come to mind..."Somewhere Over the Rainbow" and this muppet song but really that's only 1 song because you can't refer to the same song within the song you're singing, right? Because it says there are just SO MANY SONGS about rainbows but last time I checked there weren't.

Yet another broken promise to 'murka's youth.

P.S. Last time I checked there were NO SONGS about rainbows and what's on the other side. I'm just say'n...I can buy off on a frog riding a bike, who's dating a pig and runs into a Orson Wells and things turn out swell, but c'mon, don't blantantly lie to me and expect me to take it lying down. SERIOUSLY!

[wookie]

Heh. I've got a 2 year old Led Zepplin and AC DC fan, but I blame her dad for that one :-)

She is also a fantatical tendency to make sure all reposing mammals (dog and cat) have 'blankies' (tea-towels) over their heads. I'm not sure if she's babying them or mummifying them.

Kermit's Rainbow song was on the Muppet Show tonight. The lead singer from Blondie was on (I can't remember her name).

[domin8trix]

my friend owns a shop that sells AC/DC and Zeppelin t-shirts for 2 year olds. very cute.

[dr. dave]

That kid is WEIRD.

But on the matter of Jim Henson-voiced-songs, I have sung "I Don't Want to Live on the Moon" (a la Ernie) to my daughter every night since she was a few months old. She is now 5. That makes upwards of 1800 performances.

Hope you like the song as much as he does!

dr. dave

[dayment]

(it's Debbie Harry.)

[Jess]

Argh. I'm currently working at a summer camp (for the eighth year in a row) and that's one of the songs we sing in the dining hall. (The camp seems to think that singing aids digestion or something, because we sing at least one song after EVERY meal.) A Scottish friend of mine who also works here is convinced that it's a coming-out song. Never thought about it that way before she said it, but listen to the lyrics. Makes you look at it in a totally different way.